15.11.10

うんめい

of late, things has been going the opposite direction for me. i find myself struggling to understand simple things in life. i realised that no matter how much i try to save up, it always end up far less than what i have anticipated. i also realised that the harder i try, the harder the fall is. may be i should try just enough so i know i have already done my very best. effort is the word.

i won't be able to sit for the jlpt (for those who has no clue what it means, it's an abbreviation of japanese language proficiency test) which will fall next month due to my own careless mistake. another classmate and i signed up for the jlpt preparatory class but did not sign up for the jlpt registration which was done online. i blame this solely on no one but myself. even so i partly felt that the person who was in charge of notifying us wasn't doing their job well. what's done is done. our sensei advised us to take up level n4 instead of level n5 next year! will really need to put in effort for studying and remembering to sign up online.

another few more days and i'll be having 1 month off work. chilling, relaxing, holidaying? perhaps not, as nihongo kurasu is still on twice a week. i'm already thinking where i should fly off to so i can take my mind off many things. i'm literally going insane gradually :/

7.11.10

のんちゃん

the other day, i dreamt about you. even with my might, i couldn't recall exactly what happened in the dream but you were there and it was very comforting. i felt love again. strange enough, the feeling was just like when you and i were madly in love. is it real? i know deep inside my heart, it was, or at least i feel that i really loved and being loved in return, even after 2 years of separation. somewhere along, my mind and heart had set a standard, and i had made you somewhat the standard. any logical and reasonable mind would tell me that this is unjust. may be because you were everything i ever hope and dream of. it was as if the universe has finally answered my prayer although it was a brief one.

may be someday i will live this "dream" again and love unconditionally. if i don't, i will cherish you even for the briefest happiest moments of my life. ありがとう!