dysfunctional is a norm

2011-11-21T11:11:00.004+08:00

after an afternoon long conversation yesterday with a friend.

we had come to a conclusion that a much needed change is essential.
truth be told, I don't know how but I must.

we are always taught to fit in society but in reality, we are who we are.
we can't change who we are inside.

may be little by little?

it's that season again. loads of self-reflection, job hunt, doubts and so forth.

2011-11-07T19:24:00.000+08:00

Wonder if anyone still visit this blog of mine.

They say love can change a person in many ways.
I wonder if I have become a better person or worst.

What's for sure is I know love still hurts after so many years.

For now, I just want to be at peace with myself.
No more no less.

2011-03-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

2011-03-06T23:17:00.008+08:00

we can't change what others think about us or how they act but we can change who we are and how we want to react to life, shitty situations or even how we feel on a particular day or certain things.

it's all in the state of mind.

私はそう思います！

2011-01-03T21:12:00.004+08:00

i know it's a little late but have a marvellous new year ppl!!

may all that you dream will come true! ; )

2010-12-28T22:41:00.007+08:00

what i really need right now is a long vacation not thinking about anything. just free my mind and soul. may be i should. there will always be work. when is the time for myself or yourself for that matter? which brings me to a conversation at dinner that reminds me that "we only live once"!

why not go all out! i'm tired of this rat race!

うんめい

2010-11-15T17:45:00.006+08:00

of late, things has been going the opposite direction for me. i find myself struggling to understand simple things in life. i realised that no matter how much i try to save up, it always end up far less than what i have anticipated. i also realised that the harder i try, the harder the fall is. may be i should try just enough so i know i have already done my very best. effort is the word.

i won't be able to sit for the jlpt (for those who has no clue what it means, it's an abbreviation of japanese language proficiency test) which will fall next month due to my own careless mistake. another classmate and i signed up for the jlpt preparatory class but did not sign up for the jlpt registration which was done online. i blame this solely on no one but myself. even so i partly felt that the person who was in charge of notifying us wasn't doing their job well. what's done is done. our sensei advised us to take up level n4 instead of level n5 next year! will really need to put in effort for studying and remembering to sign up online.

another few more days and i'll be having 1 month off work. chilling, relaxing, holidaying? perhaps not, as nihongo kurasu is still on twice a week. i'm already thinking where i should fly off to so i can take my mind off many things. i'm literally going insane gradually :/

のんちゃん

2010-11-07T01:16:00.005+08:00

the other day, i dreamt about you. even with my might, i couldn't recall exactly what happened in the dream but you were there and it was very comforting. i felt love again. strange enough, the feeling was just like when you and i were madly in love. is it real? i know deep inside my heart, it was, or at least i feel that i really loved and being loved in return, even after 2 years of separation. somewhere along, my mind and heart had set a standard, and i had made you somewhat the standard. any logical and reasonable mind would tell me that this is unjust. may be because you were everything i ever hope and dream of. it was as if the universe has finally answered my prayer although it was a brief one.

may be someday i will live this "dream" again and love unconditionally. if i don't, i will cherish you even for the briefest happiest moments of my life. ありがとう！

2010-10-10T21:33:00.007+08:00

snowboarding is like falling in love. it hurts when you fall but despite all the pain you have to endure, you get up with a smile on your face cos you know you love riding so much nobody can ever take that away from you even though it could be your first or last season on the snow.

2010-09-15T00:39:00.004+08:00

何も変わらない.

after a long hiatus

2010-09-07T02:55:00.004+08:00

new zealand / photographer - takuya

i can't help but to miss nz so much...after viewing some photos via facebook. i miss the crazy snowboarding days, the scenery, the laughters and tears, hard times and happy times, and i convinced myself i found true love at last then, so many memories rushing back into my head tonight. it's crazy just by looking at photos can bring back so much emotions that has been or still stirring inside. ask me if i achieve anything so far? i don't know. i do know that i will not live a normal life the way i imagine myself living because when i was younger, i told myself i would go to uni, graduate and get a job, a steady girlfriend and may be marry by 28? the truth is, we can plan out our life but we can never guess what's coming our way. everytime i go back to my hometown. i see my close friends getting along just fine with their girlfriends. the next time i go back, i see them taking it into the next level, which is marriage, and this time, i see a lot of my friends with babies on the way or already out from the oven. it kind of makes me think where am i in life. i do feel i'm not in the rush to get into any relationship or marriage for that matter but the little voice inside of my head keeps telling me that i don't want to miss out on any of this. the kiasu-ness is beginning to emerge. it's deadly. i feel like time is a ticking bomb...is it time to come back to this small town for good? and plan my life for the next 50 years (if i do live pass that)? i have been procrastinating for some years now about returning home but do i really want to or just because of the responsibility as the eldest child in the family? it bothers me, the thought of coming home and settling down. i remember why i wanted to work in the big city and leave this place in the first place, it was mostly about freedom, avoiding gossips, small town mentality, the funny staring and other sorts of irrelevant matters. but seems like the grass is not always greener on the other patch. i've been away for almost 9 years now. i don't think i will ever get used to eating alone, going to movies alone, exercising alone, in the big city. it wears me out. the loneliness does creeps in at times. as much as i like to think so, i am pretty sure i am not the only one facing this situation. therefore i am not really "alone" in this. oh well, the least i can do is to enjoy the few more days of homecook and family while i am here. this is me signing off!

2010-04-24T15:44:00.002+08:00

a lot of things has happened since i left the land of the long white clouds. sometimes i cannot deny it was indeed a magical place. it was a place where i found myself again. i felt like i was belong again then. happy and sad moments i had. it has been almost 2 years since i left that happy place. i have no longer hear her happy laughters nor her warm touch. once a while, i still think of her like it was still yesterday. i've came to reality like how i left it 2 years ago. so it seems that i'm longing to travel and re-discover my inner self again. in this city of mist, i somehow lost the meaning of life. i am no longer the designer i used to be. my current life has been slow, a lil' more healthier and probably more boring. not much of excitement. it's like i'm coming to the end of my youth days. i also come to term that my carefree days will soon come to an end although i long for more. it is very subjective to each individual. being the eldest in the family also means i can't always be carefree. i have a duty as a son, to the mother whom long for my return, to a father that hopes the son becomes the father one day. all of these doesn't make it any easier. i'm not particularly good at relationships and seems to suck at it most of the time. i did move on with life after the amazing time i had with the her i met in the land of the long white clouds. the latest incident left me fresh wound, fallen, shaken, but still on my knee. i shall dust the dirts off and face myself in time. i know life is not always fair and square but i learn to live with it. my sensei is back in her home country and missing every bit of where she left and still dealing with the emotions. i believe the classmates missed her dearly and hope to see her again. i do hope to see her again the the near future. it was the reasons i long for the twice a week nihongo class where laughters and fun we had after a tiring day at work. people comes and goes, few stays, you just need to know who is real and true. other matters not.

2010-04-11T21:06:00.003+08:00

trying to cope with the fact that araki sensei will be leaving malaysia for good.
trying to cope with the fact that this will be the last year to enjoy my 20s.
trying to cope with the fact that i am back to where i was before i set my journey to middle earth.

life is not as easy as it seems sometimes.

2010-03-05T20:35:00.006+08:00

cathy nguyen's laugh is infectious! not to mention mecha mecha kawaii! : )

i wonder

2010-02-14T00:34:00.007+08:00

i wonder if i will ever going to meet anyone quite like you.
because you made my heart race everytime we are close and apart.
to feel what it is to feel love and to be loved.
i wonder if i will ever going to meet you.
to feel belong.
to have a purpose in life.
i wonder if all of this is just mere fantasy of a wandering soul.
to seek the other part of the soul some of us believe to be searching for.
or it's just really just me.
i wonder.

2010-01-24T17:14:00.005+08:00

feeling a bit pek chek (moody) now cos had a stupid accident while surfing at cherating today.

injury: back fin was slightly "bitten off", repair money to this hungarian dude whose board had a slight cut at the side who thinks he's good at surfing but judging from the way he surfs, he's nothing mere than a beginner like myself. oh well, better luck next time.

so not my day. pffs

surf's up

2010-01-15T16:15:00.019+08:00

last weekend, i was in cherating for the billabong occy grom comp.
it was an interesting experience and exposure as i witnessed local boys compete for the top.
i can honestly say that it will probably takes me years or more to be good at surfing cos watching them doing those tricks and manoeuver in the water is just breathtaking.
i wish i was good at surfing and skateboarding as good as i am in snowboarding but sadly i'm not.
well, everything takes times no?

surfers enjoying the afternoon of sun and fun.

the sandy bottomless beach. it's hard not to not like it.
i will be back for more.

p/s: looking for surfing buddies (preferably kl or pj), whether u r beginner or pro, and interested for weekend surfing, do drop me a line or two.

2010

2010-01-08T16:46:00.004+08:00

looks like i don't frequent here as often as i do. spent my new year eve at friend's place talking to newly met german friends, eating, drinking and watching fireworks from every imaginable angle possible. had been surfing a bit, still not good at it but will keep on trying. probably hitting cherating tomorrow if my body allows me (still recovering from high fever 2 days ago). life is good. not fantastic. one thing i want or hope to achieve this year is to be more carefree and may be travel or backpack somewhere i always wanted to if the bank allows me that is ; )

信じることで

2009-12-17T00:22:00.005+08:00

i believe that my time will come.

2009-12-14T15:29:00.000+08:00

reading back my text messages in my mobile phone makes me realised how much i have grown, the good and bad times in nz. tomodachi ni totemo aitai yo...minna genki?

my love for shoes

2009-12-08T23:17:00.005+08:00

it's been 3 years since i last bought any sneakers or any kind of shoes for that matter. i used to be a compulsive shoe buyer back in the college days. that was because i haven't started earning my own money yet and i was just spending it like water...skate shoes, basketball shoes, running shoes, casual shoes were some of my fave collections. i can shamelessly tell you that half of those shoes i don't even wear it more than 10 times and are still kept in the boxes or left in the cabinet in my hometown. since i started working, i hardly spend my money on clothes or shoes. i don't even remember the last time i bought anything for cny. yeah, i'm one of those ppl who doesn't really wear new clothes during cny. recently, i started playing basketball again and i had my mum brought my basketball shoes over to kl but sadly, it didn't last many games cos it was old and done for even after many glued and stitching attempts. so, i've been searching hi and low in many places (you name it, any mega malls out there) and was miserably disappointed cos i couldn't get the ones that i wanted. when i was just about to give up...i told myself why don't i just go to the smaller mall like subang parade and to my surprised, i found what i was looking for. dirt cheap, almost white and i instantly fell in love with it. this my friend is my new basketball shoe - nike zoom uptempo double take ap.

なぜ

2009-11-27T17:58:00.010+08:00

once again, i am struck by life's question. what is the real meaning of life? is it by saving loads of money so we won't be troubled when we get older? or is it just by living life as it is and make everyday the last day you have? this morning, a teenage girl knock on my parent's door and ask if she could clean our house as we pay her in return. during lunch time, i overheard her conversation with my parents as they were asking her how come she was doing this and all. she told my parents that she never finish standard 6 because her family was poor and most of her sibblings are in town to earn a living. she is a descendant of bidayuh (native of borneo, also once known as the land dayak). she speaks good mandarin as she was attending a chinese school before she quitted. i feel bad and humble because i know it's not easy, life out there. reality is twisted. i feel that i am blessed for being able to study and even been to many countries. sometimes life is not always fair. look at me, i am never lucky at love. as i am typing away, my sister and her newly wed husband is enjoying their honeymoon in the island of gods. probably sipping some champagne by the beach or indonesian cheap booze and enjoying the 5 stars luxury hotel pampering. it's strange how money plays a big role in life, whether you like it or not. that the opposite sex is attracted to wealth, money and power. i wonder if i will grow old and just die with no one by my side. that no one will attend my funeral and such. i wonder what kind of person i will become. i want to be carefree, to be able to feel happiness again! to be free spirited...but lately, all i feel is emptiness inside of me. i was taken back to the state i once was before i embark on my backpacking trip. may be i should take the road less taken again and to find the meaning of life. may be i should. to be continued...

2009-11-25T00:36:00.008+08:00

tag along frankie last sunday for a photoshoot.
haven't been shooting for a while now.
model: sze lin
location: court house and post office

2009-10-31T18:59:00.003+08:00

it's almost near the big long hol for me. no plans in mind yet except to fly home for my sis's wedding in nov. bangkok is one of the options. may be cherating for the weekend surfing trip? if you are a tight budget kinda of person, where would you be spending your holiday at?

2009-10-26T22:18:00.003+08:00

too much on my thoughts now...つかれた！
random search on youtube that leads me to a cute song and cute mv :P

ゆき

2009-10-15T20:15:00.018+08:00

the unforgettable moments with franziska, tobi and kazu.

i'm feeling a lil bit upset about workstuff and at the same time i'm feeling glad i got the confirmation letter but the down side is i cannot throw in the towel for another year. i'm so helpless now i'm thinking and missing the snow so much. was reading someone's comment on fb that mammoth is opening early...are you kidding me...it's only october and they have snow up in the californian mountains? haha...sweet as bro. sweet as! i so wanna ride right now. this very moment. when will my next riding trip be? next august in nz? next december in jp? i can only dream about it. guess this craving for snow and riding ain't gonna quit on me so easy. i kinda miss my jappy friends. those good ol' days when we just fall asleep like a baby every single night after the riding because we were so tired from one whole day of fun and riding in the snow.

my very first snowboarding attempt, circa june 08.

mt hutt, circa august 08.

riding rakaia saddle with tobi (left), kazu (right), ryoko and yukiko, circa august 08.

nihongo no shiken results will be out tomorrow and certificates will be given to students who pass the exam. wish me best of luck.

*updated: i didn't expect to pass the exam with flying colours. i got 99%! i was quite shocked actually but best of all, our sensei was very happy for us and she said we were very good students cos we studied very hard ; )

gettin' ol'der

2009-09-29T21:47:00.003+08:00

i just turned older 1 day ago. not really a good day to celebrate anything cos i found myself heading to the ER at wee hours in the morning just to have the gastric pain stopped with a jap in the butt. spent the day sleeping it off or rather a tiring and backpain from the lack of lying down straight. other than that, life has been swirl, not entirely great but no complains except the freaking gastric that almost had my life 4 years ago...i shall remember not to mess with my health and will make sure i do. what i need to do now is to work out!! like serious gettin' rid of those extra fats around the waist that's so unsexy every single time i walk pass the mirror. good time really flies.

who am i kidding?

2009-09-24T18:56:00.003+08:00

the monkey, the girl, the mate.

after last night incident, i realised my heart is still very much alive and warm. i thought i was turning into this cold person i never knew. had not felt so cut since the mae no koibito incident. can't say i'm fully well but i'm taking in the results of my actions as i type. a good friend from LA told me today that i should have known better, that we cannot please everyone around us. i mean why should we? we should make ourselves happy first before anyone else. i can't say i have fully gotten over the nihon ex but i am moving on with my life. i'm just really something. whenever i found myself someone good, i tend to turn them away. when i'm in my own emo world and alone, i crave for love so bad that i doubt it exist. i'm just good at messing things up before it got serious. sometimes i just wish i can go back to the time when everything is okay and just enjoy that moment forever. f***, life was so good then! i could not have ask for more. it was so real, still think about it once in a while. life does go on.

もっともっと

2009-09-09T23:57:00.001+08:00

life has been quite comfy as in feeling very comfortable in the comfort zone. not sure if it's a good thing or not. on a different note, i am very happy cos someone make me very happy lately. apart from that, i don't know if i should continue my current job. not really liking the system or the way things are done but beggers can't complain right? we'll see how it goes. may be i will stay on, may be i will not. gonna have my japanese exam in early october and honestly speaking, i am so not ready as i have been quite lazy and lack of revision done. despite the fact that my sensei has been pushing us to study harder. will meet up with an old friend from singapore this weekend and lots of catch up to be done. i wish i have more time. more time to sleep. more time to see her. more time to study my japanese. more time to catch up with movies and dramas. more time to for my family. more time for everything.

スノボド - sunobodo

2009-08-26T10:36:00.006+08:00

photo courtesy of rio chan.

location: somewhere in hokkaido on a perfect winter sunny day.

last night, i dreamt about gearing up to ride in the white powder. it felt so surreal and for a moment i was back in white paradise. too bad i didn't get to the part of riding it out in the powder. worst part is, it was all just a dream. this romance with the powder will probably stain me for the rest of my life. i feel stoked everytime i think about snowboarding and the deep white powder! it's about time i start saving up for my japan or nz riding trip. whose interested?

KLPF

2009-08-17T01:04:00.006+08:00

one of the models at KLPF.
i think i'm in love with ♥ jean ♥ LOL : )
egao daisuki!! cho kawaii desu ne~~~~~

2009-08-11T21:47:00.002+08:00

life has been very "domestic" for me. the latest work needs me to be proper and groomed. it's like an unspoken temporary swearing celibacy. has been attending nihongo class for almost a month now. sensei is very nice and funny. has been putting on some inches on the handles which is not a good thing. my cravings for ice creams and not-so-healthy diet. i should routine myself to exercise at least twice a week with mininum of 20 minutes per session but can i? i just want to stay sane for now! *breathe in breathe out*

the city of history

2009-08-04T23:55:00.011+08:00

after 3 years, i am finally back to taste the once so in love mille crepe.
honestly, i was quite disappointed with the taste as it was no longer how it used to taste like but guess i wasn't the only one who felt that way.

お元気ですか？

2009-07-26T00:27:00.006+08:00

about a year ago, i had the best time of my life. i was learning to ride in the snow. serendipity to have met you at the snow field's cafeteria. our very first walk under the moonlight, it was cold and there was nothing but the sheeps, snow mountain and the two of us. i still remembered very clearly that night, when we kissed, you softly whispered "hazukashii"... it was sweet and yet funny. you also said we couldn't be together because there is a person waiting for you back home. i didn't care much and so did you. we had our best winter in nz. the crazy road trips. for the longest time in my life, i felt like i was madly in love. my first time watching cherry blossom (sakura) with you. we held hands as we walked the street of queestown. the look on your face everytime i gave you food. the three little words that seems to found their ways whispering into my ears everytime we were together. i will never forget the last day before you board the plane, you were crying like a baby refusing to go home and yet it all seems like it was just yesterday.

i hope love finds you in good health, keeps you safe and warm wherever you are now.

33rd bon odori

2009-07-21T22:10:00.012+08:00

first time at bon odori in shah alam.
- dusty venue (camera was badly covered by a layer of dust)
- kodomo biru + asahi biru!
- mecha mecha kawaii kodomo dane~~

more photos here!

hulu langat (field trip)

2009-07-10T16:50:00.009+08:00

SNSD - Jessica & Tiffany - Only One For Me

2009-07-04T17:29:00.004+08:00

i have been infected with the SNSD virus! ; )
also known as Girls' Generation (So Nyeo Shi Dae).

are you the only one for me?

gloomy sunday

2009-06-30T23:18:00.014+08:00

last weekend, frankie was in town so we were out shooting.
here are some photos that were taken.

i like this "i am shooting you shooting at me" shot by frankie.
taken using nikon d70 50mm f1.8.

hajimete no lesson

2009-06-22T21:36:00.003+08:00

i'm totally worned out...now i know how hard it is to look after kids...i salute my grandmama for that and all the women out there who are super! i guess cos i never really moved about so much at work my legs are killing me. other than that, some kids were very cute, naughty, loud but i hope i can handle well when the current teacher leaves. i think i will sleep very well tonight, no doubt.

p/s: kids ask the darndest questions! めちゃめちゃかわいい~ やばい！！~~~

2009-06-18T14:20:00.003+08:00

omedetou gozaimasu to me! haha...i'm starting a new job on monday. it's very new to me and i hope i can cope with it. it will be very different from my previous jobs as i have to deal with children. yes, very challenging! especially for a noob. wish me all the luck i can have!

2009-06-17T19:37:00.001+08:00

もっと強く! もっともっと強く!!

liu liang

2009-06-15T00:46:00.004+08:00

it's the time of the year again...

2009-06-13T01:28:00.005+08:00

some things are better left unknown.
the fact will remains the same no matter how much we try to deny it.
sometimes, i do think life is unfair.
but so what. life IS unfair.

helpful travel tools

2009-06-11T16:15:00.010+08:00

i never really like planning in advance when it comes to travelling or backpacking. it's the thrill and fun when it comes to it but for those of you who prefer to book your accomodation in advance, i recommend these two Hotels Combined and Wego which helps you save all sorts of hassles of time and what's not.

hotelscombined.com and wego.com like any search machines provide an easy platform to find your ideal accomodation/hotel especially those on honeymoon trip. all quotations are in ringgit so you don't have to crack your head calculating. all major currencies are available too.

the good thing about hotelscombined.com and wego.com is that it provides descriptions of the hotel you are staying, it gives you map of the area, photos, reviews by past customers and also attractions around the place with prices quoted so you can have an idea what and how you want to plan your time there.

for those of you who is always on the run, it helps eliminates time wastage. i guess it's time to plan another trip again!

bali - day 4 + 5

2009-06-09T00:02:00.009+08:00

on the forth day, it was chilling day for me as it was also my last day in bali. since the first 3 days was packed with activities, i didn't have a chance to surf yet so it was official that i must surf! as no one was there to look after the cameras, it was only right not bring along. too bad there was no surfing shots of me or rather get washed up by the waves.

so allen and i walked to kuta beach and we rented ourselves two surf boards. i sort of briefed him how surfing is done...lie on the board, paddle into the wave and wait for the wave to come and start paddling...well, i'm not good at it but that's how i remembered from my surfing lesson 5 years ago in perth. LOL...yes, that was a long time ago.
as it was such a long time ago, i couldn't recall much but somehow i managed to paddle myself into the sea and wait for the next wave to come. the thing is, i waited quite a while for the wave and when it did come, it was big and i washed me up good...yes...i was washed up like inside a washing machine. it didn't help when the tide became low and the wave got bigger. there was this one time i was caught in the wave and i sort of crashed into this white surfer chiq...our surfboard leash got tangled up and had to walk up to the shore to untangled them. yes, shame on me. there was this local balinese kid laughing his ass off at me. crap. what a day but i was very happy i surfed again. i will be back for the wave. i will.

in the afternoon, it was window shopping and souvenir hunting. i didn't get anything except some local coconut candies. after the shopping, we headed back as allen wanted to try some balinese spa. the thing is, we couldn't find the type of spa he wants so we headed back to our hotel miserably. as i was tired from the surfing, i didn't bother anymore and asked for the hotel's very own traditional balinese massage. RP50,000 (RM16) for an hour of pleasure. allen on the other hand didn't enjoy it because he thought the masseurs were hot balinese babes which turns out to be the same fleshy girl who served us breakfast, do the house keeping and what's not.

lunch and dinner was the same as day 3 (bakso, soto kambing + satay kambing).

we had to get up around 4am the next day as we need to rush to the airport before 5am (our flight was 7.50am). luckily the night before, we got ourselves a good deal right in front of the soto kambing stall where these two motor-"taxi"-guys were trying to get us to ride in their motorbikes to airport. yes, in bali, motorbikes are also transformed into "taxi" where they charge without the metre. so we bargained our way till they agreed to give us RP40,000 (RM13) for two person. good thing we had our "rides" to fetch us to the airport early in the morning as we didn't see any taxi in the early morning hours. it was all good.

if my financial allows me, i will be back for second round. to explored the unexplored and to surf the awesome wave again. till next time, the island of gods.

photos here!

bali - day 3

2009-06-08T20:48:00.019+08:00

every morning, we were served with toasts, eggs, fruits and tea or coffee. it's as good as it gets. the place to go today is ubud and tanah lot. ubud is hailed as the centre of art and crafts. it's a much quieter town compared to bustling kuta.

bali is also famous for the layers of paddy fields. although it's not as evident enough in this photo. you can see tons of them in the country side. at ubud, we visited two main museums, neka art museum and the blanco renaissance museum.

neka art museum has heaps of collections on balinese day to day lifestyle and dates back to many decades to modern days style of drawings.

as there was no photography allowed inside blanco renaissance museum, i have to dig out some photos as reference from the world wide web. antonio blanco on the other hand is a spanish artist that uses women as his main painting subject. in his mansion, you will see heaps of nude women paintings and he is also a poet as poems were combined in his paintings.

the late antonio blanco (google search image)

one of the many blanco's piece (google search image)

a must eat at ubud is babi guling. the infamous ibu oka stall. you won't miss it as the place is always packed. surprisingly, the workers here too speaks fluent mandarin and japanese too! man, i guess they have heaps of chinese and japanese customers. babi guling actually tasted much like our roasted pork. the vege that comes with the rice was a bit spicy for me.

sitting next to us was this japanese lovely old couples from kyushuu. they were very nice and friendly. i managed to chat with them a bit with my broken japanese and manage to get away with it. really makes me miss my japanese friends whom i stayed with in nz. don't exactly remember how much this meal was but i say it was roughly about RP90,000 (RM15 per person).

next stop was tanah lot. what can i say about this place. it was swarm with tourists. like too many if you ask me. most of the tourists are from indonesia, lots of chinese from china, some japanese and few europeans? not much to say about tanah lot except it has way too many tourists.

after a tiring day, we headed back to kuta and indulge ourselves in soto kambing (soup), rice and satay kambing (lamb) for RP20,000 (RM3 per person). this stall is located at the corner of Jalan Kuta 1. it's the exact some stall that sells bakso during the day time.

the truth is, we had bakso for lunch and these for dinner twice.

more photos here!

bali - day 2

2009-06-01T21:31:00.011+08:00

kuta beach

second day started with a stroll at kuta beach, enjoying the breeze, feeling really grateful to be alive! to be able to enjoy mother nature in full glory. watching awesome surfers hitting the waves remind me of the good old snowboarding days in nz. we had two lunch. initially allen wanted to try out this stall at Legian so we got into this metred taxi (not all taxi in bali is using metre so you have to look out for the blue swallow icon/logo. all the others are rip offs and doesn't run on metre.) later on we realised we were taken a ride because the place we wanted to go is within walking distance like 10-15 mins away from our hotel. well, there's always a first time right? when i got off from the taxi and looking endlessly but couldn't find the shop and decided to just eat at any local stall that looks authentic.

bakso

we found one stall selling bakso (meat balls) so we decided to give it a go. the coconut drink was awesome with heaps of soft coconut meat in it. it was very refreshing as we were both sweating from the heat and walk. we sat down together with this elderly man which later told us that he was from perth. it was really nice of him to show us his black and white photo if not mistaken looked like a sailor from the second world war. i think he is probably in his 60s or older? he also told us that he has been to malaysia 30 years ago and he has been to penang 3 times? if i didn't hear him wrongly. the meal cost us RP18,000 which is like RM3 each!! dirt cheap right? meal + drink. after the meal, we walked around in search for something else as the bakso was not filling enough. the aussie man had 4 bowls!! we only had 1 each so we can try out other food.

as we were walking aimlessly, we found this restaurant called Made's Warung that i heard from friends that it a must try. the price on the menu is pricier than i thought but the place was fully packed. the food was just alright, nothing to shout about. we ordered pork satay, fish satay, and something that taste similar to otak-otak that comes with rice. the other dish tasted a bit like indian rojak. i think the bill was around RP96,000 which is about RM16 each. so now you can probably tell the difference when you dine in a restaurant and any local stalls in bali.

dreamland (a.ka. new kuta beach)

the afternoon schedule was half day tour to Dreamland (also known as new kuta beach) and Uluwatu to watch the sunset and Kecak Dance. the beach and water are much cleaner compared to kuta beach and you can see why surfers will travel in their motorbike all the way here. yes, motorbikes are for rents in bali and most of them are modified version with special metal holder to hold the surf boards. really kickass if you ask me! surfers on motorbikes! with the sunnies riding to the next surf destination.

uluwatu

kecak dance

uluwatu temple was nothing fancy but the place was really packed with tourist from all over. the kecak dance is based on balinese "romeo & juliet" storyline. the play was good and very entertaining. everyone was wow-ed by white monkey god jumping in and out of the flame which at times was very funny as he will sit on one particular audience and make fun of them. dinner at jimbaran was a bit cut throat but the bbq prawns were delicious and has the char grilled after taste. the seafood was not as fresh as they claim. we had white snapper, sea prawns and mussels (with additional rice and kangkong). it all comes to a total of RP340,000 which is around RM55 per person.

on the way back to kuta, we talked about how same different malaysia and indonesia is. the government. the corruptions. the languages. how much similarity there is to it. that boys will be boys. we talked about girls. that the driver and i share the same kind of preference on girls.

more photos here!

bali - day 1

2009-05-29T10:43:00.017+08:00

i'm back from bali. actually like 3 days ago. overall it was a fun, tiring, tanning, exciting and different kind of experience. well for one, i would never imagine that bali would be so much different from what i projected in my head before the touch down. considering it is my second backpacking experience. it was actually a bit hectic, unorganised but still nice reminiscing back. the truth is, we never booked any hotel or backpacker before hand. no one was there to pick us up at the airport. the only thing we prepared ourselves was reasonable amount of cash, sleeping bags, backpacks, dslr, enough clothes for the next 5 days and we were off to another adventure.

i slept over at allen's place (my backpacking buddy, a friend i met during my backpacking days in nz last year) the night before. his brother in law was nice enough to drive us to lcct. with the swine flu going on, i don't see anyone backing up from travelling and let's just say the airport security on H1N1 isn't as strict as it can be. even upon arriving Bali, we didn't even have to walk through the H1N1 scanning machine. if you ask, we are all as well as dead. who know one of us is a walking time-bomb waiting to explode. as usual, international travellers are required to fill the necessary forms and medical form for H1N1 and to be carry at all time during the stay in the country. when we arrived at the airport, the arrival hall was packed with sea of humans holding welcome signboards and names. for a moment i felt like i was being welcome like some sort of celebrity! it was very tense! hahaha taxi drivers will holla at you to get your attention and asking you where you are going! it's unbelievable that there is no public transportation such as shuttle bus or public bus to city centre. it's just so bizzare! so the only rational thing to do is to bargain with the taxi driver. from RP80,000 to RP50,000. it's RP25,000 each for two person. (just remember one thing, take away the 3 zeros behind and divide everything by 3 and you will get that in ringgit, it was really hard on the first few days but the calculation will come naturally after a while...really cracks my head for mathematically challenged!) not sure if it was the best deal but being desperate, we got on the toyota avanza and headed towards Kuta (city centre).

poppies lane 1

as soon as we were dropped off by the main road, the driver directs us to where we want to go which is Poppies Lane. where all the backpackers are. prices varies from each backpackers and hotels. usually comes in 2 single beds no dorms like the ones in nz. cheapest price asked was around RP80,000 per night with no breakfast, comes with fan, no air cond so basically very basic stuff like beds and toilet (not to mention very run down and it's those kind of love hotel you see in movies or haunted motels). those with swimming pools, air cond and breakfast are above RP200,000 per night.

our resting place for the next 4 days

so we got ourselves a deal on one of the hotels called Rita Hotel - RP150,000 per night, which is only RM25 per person with 2 single beds, air cond, no water heater but comes with a breakfast set that include fruits, toasts, any kind of eggs of your choice (scrumbled/half boiled....) tea/coffee. it's a good deal if you ask me although the room might not be the kind you want to bring your gf or wife on vacation or honeymoon to. oh, did i mention there is not blankets provided? good thing we brought our sleeping bags!

kuta beach

didn't do much on first day as we arrived around 3.30pm in bali and by the time we got settled with our accomodation was already half day gone. we were sweaty, tired and trying to plan what to do for the next few days. we decide to chill at the beach watching surfers surfing and just enjoying the moment. it's so weird because everyone in bali was super friendly and at times i feel like we are taken advantage of in some ways. don't get me wrong. i like friendly people but there is a fine line that people shouldn't cross. later during the trip only do i realised that these people wants to do your business and will try anything even making friends with you. earlier on at kuta beach that day, allen was bargaining with the beach vendor on a flip flop and i was telling allen that he should ask for cheaper price. during that conversation, we were conversing in mandarin and to my surprise, the vendor's friend said "san shi wan" = RP30,000 ... i was dumbstrucked! literally. from then on, the next few days were more and more surprises as i withness balinese speaking in fluent french, spanish, japanese, mandarin, english...fuh yooh! so i made allen speak teochiew which was our mother tongue or family dialect. once we use teochiew on the street talking between us both, the less they will bother on us as they couldn't understand what were were saying. or should i say less annoying locals trying to sell you their day tour/products or just trying to get you to try their "magic mushroom" hahahahah....that my friend is another story i will share soon enough. while relaxing by the beach watching the sunset, this bloke from the beach who is a surfing instructor by the name of Brad (which is not his real name) made friends with us. we talked for a bit. about surfing. touring bali and no plans made yet. and i don't know if you are reading this but mate, i am really sorry we never take up your day tour as we found even cheaper tour the next day. he was a cool and nice guy. telling us not to talk to strangers or stay away from people selling "mushrooms" and "weeds" on the street. it's not very frequent to have friends telling you they encounter this kind of situation and moments in bali, which is probably why i am slowly falling in love with backpacking. learning to enjoy simpler things in life.

more photos here!

空気読めない (KY)?

2009-05-19T21:05:00.016+08:00

6月に会えますか？
もう恋人同士になれないけど、またいつかあなたに会えることを願っています。

memories of auckland

2009-05-14T01:17:00.011+08:00

odd building across auckland library.

devonport.

surf's up.

yui chan + tomomi chan monkeying around outside of burger king.

street art.

two strangers i met on my first day in nz. we were very much unseparatable for a week.

tomomi, taka, kousuke, me, ye eun, yui.

good times. i miss you guys.

minna no tameni

2009-05-10T00:11:00.004+08:00

sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy/girl, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on.

spam

2009-05-09T00:12:00.006+08:00

yeah. like the headline. that's how i feel about my current life and situation. i'm amazed sometimes some people are really blessed but yet so unappreciative. how people can take things for granted. just like that.

pending dreams

2009-05-04T23:30:00.004+08:00

i'm back on the wheels again despite the advice doc given on the knee (skateboarding keep me sane). lately, i have been thinking a lot about my future. more precisely, my job options and what i wanted to do. other than my current profession, those other possible options don't really pay me much or may be i'm just too chicken to try it out. the safest bet at the moment is go back to square one, back to my profession that help pays the bill, put food on the table and may be save a little on the side. there is also the thoughts of going back to study which will required a lot of money. i hated to ignore the fact that money plays a big role here. can't i afford to be more carefree? i guess i can if my bank is loaded with endless greens but that is altogether a different story.

doing what i love to do isn't going to cut it. those dreams are like endless re-play on an old cassette player replaying over and over again in my head. may be it's time i really need to remind myself that reality is what i need, not fantasy. it's so hard to stop thinking and doing the things that i love most. it's even harder than forgetting a person. my addiction to the snow is at a level no normal human can understand. unless they too have been there and done that and still craving for more like i do. if only there is a way one step closer to achieving what i want.

after watching the some snowboarding clips, it really made me reminisced the good times in nz. i miss new zealand dearly. the snow. the sheeps. the mountains. the people. i want to go back there someday.

aw. another interview tomorrow. part of me is not looking forward to it because i'm not sure if i'm doing it for the right cause. but that cause will definitely put food on the table. if i do, i too will become a human robot. no less different from the sheeps.

信じられない！

2009-05-01T01:05:00.003+08:00

i am officially a full time bum again. thanks to my own act. not very proud. today the boss called and wish me luck and all the best, asking me to give her a call when i feel like going back to work for her. after all those antics she pulled on me. i don't know if i'm suppose to be grateful or amused. it's not even funny. some people really knows how to put on a good show. someone should give 'em standing ovation for stunts like that. are they even listening to themselves talking at times? we don't need more crazy and dictatory people in this suffocated world. we need more love yo. the worst part is, i don't even know if i should feel sorry for myself or her.

way behind schedule

2009-04-27T00:47:00.003+08:00

you know when someone tells you not to do it but somehow the words just not get into your head? i kind of did something that i shouldn't have. i needed to let it out. there's a lot of things i needed to let it out but it's not possible. thanks to myself, now my knee is giving me that sensation i have not feel since thursday. the moral of the story is, never try to be a smart ass.
i wasted my sunday not doing anything productive again. just lazying around. reading snowboarder magazine. figuring about life. myself. work. love.
i came to a point that i just tell myself. fuck everything. fuck it all. i can't change what is out there but i can change what's inside. sometimes i ask myself, why are we always trying to please others but not ourselves. why do we seek approval and acknowledgements from people. do we really need that recognitions? why can't life be simpler? why can't we be carefree and mellow about everything? why are we tied down by responsibilities? there is just endless questions to everything that evolves around us. why some countries has better currency and they can do a part time job and still earn more than those sitting behind the desk in a third world country like us. why can't i be normal like everyone else and just get a normal job and be a sheep and not say a word when the higher authority tells you to the work the way they want it whether it's right or wrong. the truth is, i can't. i will not let anyone take away my pride. for that, there will be a price to pay. some says my decision to leave the company was right. some says i should stay till i found a better job. i don't want to please anyone anymore. i just want to please myself. if i'm not even happy with myself, i will never be happy with every little other things in life. i heard this somewhere. it is very rare for anyone to work in a job they are 110% passionate about but not everyone has that luxury. it is not impossible but only few in a million. may be i'm just tired of my life the way it is. i'm tired of just waiting and seeking for answers.

this is hard

2009-04-24T00:07:00.004+08:00

sometime last year in august, i had a terrible mishap from snowboarding. i was snowboarding with my buddies and doing crazy stunts. during one of the jumps off the small cliff, i had a bad landing and trembled down the slope in a very unlikely manner and somehow twisted my left knee. it got swollen real bad that day. all i did was putting ice bag on the swelling knee. i didn't really give it enough time to rest the injury and i was quick on the slope again right after few days and continue snowboarding for the next 2 months. so today, almost 6 months after that incident, i finally got my lazy arse to pay a visit to the doctor and have my knee checked once and for all because the pain has not subside. it comes and goes. sometimes it hurts like bitch when i sleep or just sitting there minding my own business. good news is there is no fractured bones. the only problem now is the doc has no idea what is causing the pain. it can be the inflammation from the swell six months ago and it's probably giving me the sensation that i am feeling every now and then. the doc prescribed me diclofenac sodium which is an anti-inflammatory drug, for swelling, joint pain...oh well, you get the picture...but what i'm more worry is the side effects. good thing i googled it and there is just too many side effects i'm worry about and i probably might want to skip the drug for now. besides, my knee pain is not like really serious but it does irritates and drive me up the wall at times. let's hope by resting my knee, meaning no skateboarding or crazy stunts for the next 1-2 months and let's pray the pain shall go away. if not, i'll be paying my regular visit to the physiotherapist...dang. no snowboarding is hard enough, now they gonna take away skateboarding too? sad...this is just sad.

p/s: i feel sorry cos i kind of promised my friend that i am helping him with his photography assignment this weekend. he needed somebody to do some skateboarding tricks and i thought i might lend him a hand or two. looks like this wrapped up knee is not going anywhere now...is it?

人間の生活

2009-04-19T01:47:00.006+08:00

ing hui is in town for a two days conference. was surprised when she took the time off to have dinner with me. thanks for the treat ing hui!! i was so full and the salmon sashimi was awesome!! more photos here!

everyone has choosen a path in life, or going to choose one, or some rather leave it up to fate. i felt human beings has too much desires in life. they fantasize about things and are willing to take any measures just to achieve that dream or goal. everyone of us has a different way of life. sometimes i may not understand their way of life as opposed to mine. for me, life is not always about money although money does comes in handy. i would like to think that one's life is not measured by the amount of money one earns but rather how much a person gets from life. the value of life. what's good when you have all the money in the world but still feeling miserable? is it that people are pressured by society's normalcy? or even peer pressure? every morning, or even before i go to sleep at night, i asked myself, what can i do in life? what can i do to make my life better or improve the quality of my life. it simply translates to me having to do the things i love most. something that i believe in. it's like this phrase a friend onced said, "it's hard not to smile when you are living your dream"...or something to that effect.

for the mean time, i am not ready to give up my dream just yet. i know when people tells me that when you are financially stable, you can live your dream the way you want it. don't get me wrong, i think everyone of us has our own ways of achieving it differently. i'm not the person that always following the crowds. may be i'm just different or special.
i am still mending my way of life.

then i realised there is no right or wrong to it because at the end of the day, we are all achieving what we wanted most out of life and most importantly what makes us whole as humans.

snowboarding in malaysia?

2009-04-17T17:42:00.006+08:00

for those of you who has no freaking idea what kind of cravings i've been blogging about, do watch these videos to have a slight idea of why i am so obsessed with snowboarding. may be i am a little crazy and it seems that someone has beat me to the idea of having an indoor snow dome like the one in dubai. i don't know how real this could be but i'm not saying it's not possible. this bloke plans to set up an indoor ski field not sure where about yet in KL. if this project really hits it off, i won't be dreaming any longer as i could just shred the snow whenever i feel like it not having to fly thousands of kilometres to another country just to ride. having said that, indoor ski field will never come close to real deep powder snow that one have experienced. i have my share of pure joy of riding the first chair and fresh powder on the slopes.

some of the riders i look up to and inspires me:
travis parker

eddie wall, he does both skate and snowboard which is sweet

jeremy jones, my fave ojisan rider doing his thing.

mark frank montoya better known as MFM (gansta' rider yo).

気持ち悪い

2009-04-15T14:08:00.013+08:00

this snow fever is really causing a serious emotional break down in me. i was at the chinese hawker stall yesterday having dinner and i saw the ice being shredded by the ice machine to be made into ice kacang. the shredded iced looks exactly like the powder snow i missed so much. so much i'm dying to be there wherever mother nature intends to fill the ground with white paradise. after six freaking months away from the white paradise, not a single day i don't miss it. kinda like the longing for my japanese dream that has failed before me. it's really contagious. now i totally understand why my fellow japanese snowboarder friends i met in nz was so hyped about snowboarding every fucking single day. i was so against the thought of my then met close friends having them being so carefree and mellow about life. their life. may be back then i didn't really understand why and how they can be so relaxed and just leave everything and come snowboarding here for the whole season. by the end of the my first season in nz, i was a changed person. i had became mellowed, much carefree, as if i have became one of them. a true snowboarder. i was acknowledged by them as i have progressed to become a better rider than i was before. i don't know if it is a good thing to be mellow and carefree. it does affect my life in reality since i have been back in this hot and humid country. i dreamt of snowboarding ever so often just like how much i missed my current ex. this newly found love is so strange. it's totally different from my other love for sports. is deeper than i could ever thought possible. it makes my heart races everytime i think about it. nande? it's a longing to get back to ride. it's more than a need. its more like an obsession now. which is also one of the reason i'm back on skateboarding. of course skateboarding is nothing like riding powder but close enough since malaysia has no indoor ski dome for that matter. i am proud to be the only malaysian snowboarder which stayed for the whole season at mt hutt, nz. ever so often, i get mistaken for a japanese snowboader. it was okay, i was proud when i told them i'm from borneo and there is no snow back home and this being my first season on the snow slope : ) i still think i was a better snowboarder than a skateboarder. skateboarding tricks are not easy to master as compared to snowboarding. my most memorable moment was when i landed wrongly on the mt hutt third kicker and my knees banged into my face and as a result of that, i had a cut on my right eye as a present from last season. it was so funny, i didn't even felt any fear when i was in the air and i knew immediately i was not going to land this one but somehow i could feel my life just flashes through me but i wasn't afraid of dying. i knew i was going to land hard and badly. my goggles flew few metres away from my landing, my skullcandy was thrown from my head, my beanie too. it was the longest time air time i had experienced the whole season. almost like 3 seconds in the air...(trust me, 3 seconds was like forever) it felt good even when i was lying there on the landing and my face was bleeding and i was laughing when my friend came to see if i was okay...and according to my friends, no one had ever try the third kicker in their first riding season. it was a challenge and dare for myself. sometimes i would just popped tricks like frontside and backside 180 sometimes 270. not good enough for 360 yet. probably the most talented ground trick last season was nose press to butter backside 360, actually it was more like backside nose press to backside 270. if i ever go back to the slope again, i want to be able to hit the boxes and rails like pros. i can only 50-50 on boxes and rails. halfpipe was really hard too but i was blessed being able to try out the superpipe at snowpark in wanaka, nz. sometimes i see guys like marvin hitting the slope and secretly i put my hope and dreams in him. if i don't get to ride anymore, at least my dream lives through him. representing yo! i won't be surprised just may be someday he might be the first professional malaysian snowboarder in the world. it's really stoked to be able to ride whenever, wherever, doesn't matter if it's icey, slushy, powder, all that matters is you put your heart into it. this post goes out to all the snow lovers and riders out there. keep riding yo!

ganbarou!

2009-04-14T11:00:00.008+08:00

his after moan though cries oh no
he's building up a shine but he’d take it slow
and he knows it time to make a change here, time to get away
it's time for all the wrong reasons, time to end the pain
but he sleep all, we sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over
said well we, sleep all, we sleep all day, we sleep all, we sleep all day over...

jason mraz is truly a talented artist. one of my favourite actually. well, i know at times, it seems like we are trying our best in life and yet it is not easy at all. don't give up just yet because i truly believe when you give it all out, there is nothing we cannot achieve. i read somewhere that no one is born a loser. everyone is a winner even if we have lose.

i found some cover versions which is nice! have a go at it while you're here.

奇跡わ何処に在る？

2009-04-12T23:46:00.014+08:00

i guess i want to be slowly moving away from doing what i am doing. i don't see myself 10 years down the road doing what i am doing now. 10 years ago, my dream was to own a cafe/bristro whatever rocks your socks you may call it. 10 years later, i am no where near that. i think i am constantly changing my mind of what i want to do in life. i might not be as successful as most of my peers but i definitely know what i am doing now is not what i want for the rest of my life. sometimes, i wish i was a chef in fine dining which i did want to be after high school. there was 4 choices i had in mind back then. chef, IT person, artist and architect. and because i was easily persuaded by my folks (just because my mum promised me she would buy me a car to go college!! but you know what? she bought me a bicycle instead and it broke down several times). the truth is i had already enrolled in a design school before i entered the IT course. my dad knew i was not much of a programming person and had me quitted right after 2 miserable years. i must admit i was never good at studying. i'm just not one of those bookworms. the other reason i gave up taking architecture is because i thought i need to do a lot of calculations and my math is really bad...hahaha...the chef part, lets just say i was not very convinced i would succeed.
i envy people like Dean Blotto Gray who gets to travel around the world snapping snowboarders in action on and off riding. at some point, i did want to be a photographer. more like a sport photographer, extreme sports to be exact. i would love to do something that i believe in. and it helps if i'm in love with that sport too! i've been thinking a lot about what i should and can do in life. i need some kind of signs...and perhaps a little bit of lady luck.

here's what i did on the weekend as two friends were in town and they decided they want a korean dinner (somewhere near ampang point) and a visit to sky bar as they never been there. the korean food was really good!!

nice view of klcc from sky bar.

joyce, i call her korean superstar. wonder what sf is smiling at?

i like how random we were in the photos.

nothing like a supper to end the day - jalan alor beef noodle

more photos here!

gone were the days...

2009-04-09T12:12:00.005+08:00

i have somehow forgotten that little simple things in life makes me happy.

this morning, i greeted the little toddler few office doors away "ohayo" and to my surprise, the mum greeted me back "ohayo gozaimasu"in a very engaging tone... for i felt this little happiness inside of me because i have missed that feeling of greeting and being greeted in everyday life. it's funny how hostile people can be in big city. i look forward to many happy simple things in life because at the end of the day, what makes life worth living is the capacity to be happy and to give happiness to others.

2009-04-05T16:01:00.003+08:00

あたしいまできないよ。
できないよ。

もうすこしだけ。。。

along came cindy

2009-04-04T22:56:00.008+08:00

satay for breakfast? always a first time...

cindy, a backpacker i met in nz was on her singapore - malaysia stops for a week before heading home to taiwan from nz.

allen, her official tour guide for sg/msia brought her to try out our famous kajang satay which they have a branch at uptown pj which i don't even know of. i still think the ones at kajang taste much better and more authentic but allen thinks otherwise. off they go to malacca for the weekend and cameron highland next and back to singapore and home for cindy.

sushi zanmai@one u

2009-03-30T00:44:00.012+08:00

more test shots.

hot green tea.

salmon don.

*not sure what*, tamago and inari.

shoyu ramen.

vanilla ice cream and it was oishikatta!!

overall the food was good. especially the ice cream!! the ramen was good too.

gochisosama deshita.

test shots 101

2009-03-29T16:18:00.002+08:00

away from here

2009-03-28T23:46:00.005+08:00

how was your saturday? i'm trapped at home awaiting a call. an important call. i sorta replaced the number in my phone book and i can't contact this friend whom i was suppose to meet tonight and has not seen her for 2 years. the good news is i bought a new dslr! canon 450d to be exact. eventhough i didn't get the freebies i think it's still a good price for a new camera. although money is an issue for me right now, i don't know why sometimes i burden myself with more problems than i already have. lol guess the plastic card has it use at times. still, i need to pay back. gah...

talk about earth hour. i came home to find my condo was pitch dark. the tv was on. the housemate was sleeping on the sofa soundly with fan turned on high. what's the whole point of switching off the ligths when other stuffs was on. man...where is the logic?

i'm gonna take my baby/new toy kai kai tomorrow and play with her a bit. woot!!

be wary of those who are evil

2009-03-26T00:36:00.010+08:00

*content of this entry has been altered* due to privacy factor.
don't let other people treat us like dirtbags. especially your employer. there are rules we should follow but don't just follow blindly. you got to know what is right and what is wrong. that is why we are given the privilege of a brain. for us to reasons on illogical matters.

sometimes i find life is めんどくさい。。。なぜ？

broga hill hike

2009-03-22T22:32:00.014+08:00

i was invited by fish, a friend of mine to hike bukit tabur last week but i couldn't go because i was recovering from sickness. so i take on this invitation to broga hill on saturday. it was an open invitation in facebook by mr. liao the organizer. anyway i had fun watching the sunset and feeding-killing the mosquitoes. good thing i wore a track pants. if not my legs would be partially paralysed by mosquitoes bites. the mosquitoes there are so loaded they keep on coming at you and i read somewhere that broga hill is a breeding ground for dengue mosquitoes. no shieeet...

and it ended with a very nice and full dinner with 3 fish dishes as the main course.

some photos taken by me and allen my backpacking friend from nz. you can also check out his entry on broga hill here.

2009-03-22T00:30:00.001+08:00

i realised i have been missing out on a lot of things now but i promise myself i will make it up someday. one day. i hope.

it's all so quiet now

2009-03-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

i survived 2 weeks of working. work is good. at least i'm keeping myself busy but on a rainy and lonely night like this, one can't help but to reminisce the past. that how much you had shattered my heart and soul in many ways. believe me it's not all bad cos i actually saw another side of you and i'm glad we are no longer together. it was really sweet and will always be a part of me. it's the weekend...and it does feel good just to chill at home doing nothing. i'm going to broga hill for a hike tomorrow and to watch the sunset. i'm looking forward to it : )

fave quote of the week from yee siang: "earth hour: off all the lights but leave the air cond on?"...hahahaha

2009-03-15T02:16:00.002+08:00

i missed my happy times in nz. it was truly an amazing place. spiritually and mentally for me. now i'm back to hell again.

mou ichido kimi ni aitai

2009-03-14T02:51:00.008+08:00

there are many things that is so wrong. i'm tired but awake at this godly hour. may be it's the waking up very early in the morning and comes home late at night. may be it's the heavy morning traffic. may be it's the rubbish that has to be put away far outside from the office at the end of the hallway. may be it's the 1 hour lunch time but colleagues just have to eat so fast and go back to office less than half an hour. feels like zero job satisfaction. the last time i checked, my appointment letter says i will be granted 7 days of annual leave upon confirmation and only legible to use it after a year. wtfzomg...what's that suppose to mean? i cannot have annual leave at all for a year? chi sin one lo....i haven't sign the letter and pass it back to the boss yet. i am still in "considering" about the whole thing... my parent thinks i should take on the job and just try it out, and if i do find a better one i can quit. i really don't know what to think. i don't want to work as a slave. i want to do something i am happy with. something i am proud of. unlike one of my close friend, she is in love with her job. i would kill to be in her shoes. hahaha dang...the world is so not fair i tell u and dragonball evolution sucks....i didn't like it. the lack of the original manga feel to it.

what am i going on about? i really miss those carefree time in nz. where reality is far away from my conscious. the fact of a matter, everything i do impacts the life i live so i can't just do reckless things and get away with it...i still have bills to pay, responsibilities to take care of. i wish the snow is right in front of me, grab my snowboard and hop on the lift and take the first run on the powder snow. not a care in the world. this craving for snow and riding is getting worst day by day. it's contagious, this love for snowboarding. it will certainly take a while to forget about you and the snow. may be i won't but i just need to be strong and get over this phase of life.

sometimes i feel like life is like an endless run.

もって無い + なくなた

2009-03-10T20:30:00.010+08:00

after 3 months of avoiding me. i had my answer and email from the ex.

she said she is a bad girl. she decided to get together with a japanese guy and she did love me. well at least now i have a closure. she asked if i'm okay? obviously not but i will, in time to come.
my self-esteem just dropped by half. i have self-esteem issues, seriosuly. someone said to me that i was the kind of person that wanted a girlfriend because i was lonely and just needed accompany. the truth is, don't we all? we have friends to keep us company when we are bored or downed. for me, it doesn't matter how long i meet that someone special. what matters most to me is the chemistry! and i really did love her with all my heart. i honestly do. i really have to thank her for showing me there was love when i stop believing in it. i think everyone of us has a void inside of us. we filled it up with friends, sports other stuffs. for me, i guess i am the kind of person that live to love. i am motivated by love. i know it sounds stupid but that's me. i get all my motivations from love. that includes, family and friends love too!

first day of work? how was it? sucked really bad. i got a ticket for legally parking. hundred bucks...shiet. and i had fever last night...so i swallowed panadol in the morning. my sore throat is gone now, just left with flu, coughing and feverish. lucky me i get to go home early today due to sickness and also because i was new. why am i sick on my first day of job? well, i think i was walking under the hot sun on sunday to the train station and i never like the heat. i'm more of snow person than sunny. not to mention, i was tired yesterday but still manage to dragged myself out to have brunch and followed by a drink at starbucks which later on rained. drinking cold coffee on a rainy day is so not advisable.

i knew i was gonna get sick because i've been going out a lot and i know i won't have time to hang out anymore after i start working.

i also realised that this is not the kind of job i want to do for life. 9 till late isn't very good for health. i really envy ppl who goes home early. those 9-5 kind of jobs! there is always a price to pay for in life i guess. for the money, i need to sacriface my time and health. for love, i sacriface time, money and maybe youth. getting to know someone takes a lot of afford and time. and that is why we all loved and have emotional break downs because we sacrifaced something and it's gone like that. sometimes, i wonder what is the value of money and love. we can't buy love but we can sure buy someone flowers and dinners. money can't buy health but yet we work our arses off just to get by the day, for some ppl that is.

which is shit really. what is the meaning of living if we just work and work, our health gets deteriorated by the day. thank goodness i took almost a year off work just to get to know myself more and may be figure out what's more to life than just working. finding love in nz was totally not part of the plan. i swear. it just found it's way to me.

now i can say i'm back to square one again. i'm back to the emo me. i'm back to the place i hated most. the kind of job i don't see myself working for the rest of my life...and not feeling belonging. may be i just have to have faith in my sister's prayers and next year's impromptu snowboarding trip!!

tonight, i told my sister how much i love her. i hardly say that word for my family. they mean the world to me. so don't say i only give a hoot about girls only. lol :P

summer snow

2009-03-07T02:39:00.008+08:00

it's coming to an end for my long holiday break since nov 07. i'll officially start work next tuesday. yeap, i got a job offer and i really intend not to jump aboard anytime soon unless i get way better offer lol. for the last few days, i've been thinking a lot about snowboarding and secretly planning my next trip to LA or Nagano may be sometime next year. since the US visitor visa was a 10 years one why not make full use of it...lol will see which one works out cheaper for me. either way, i just want to ride so badly. and to torment myself even more, i've been watching snowboarding dvds : (
today, i think i totally worned out myself attempting ollie and reverse nollie on skateboard. i swear this is the first time i did so many ollies and reverse nollies. i honestly think the happiest moments of my life is snowboarding (besides love). cos it's always about self-improvements. it's never about competing with others but well, yes sometimes i (we, riders) do cos wanting to ride to the fullest and i remembered day one on the snow mountain clearly like it was yesterday. 1 week before they close the season, i had my eye swollen so badly after a bad crash off one of the kickers. that my friend is progress! i remembered the time when i was scared shitless not being able to go 50-50 on rails or boxes. even my friends whom been riding for many years were surprise about my progress. i was happy with my progress indefinitely!
i'm thinking to get either a small digital camera to replace my old one that not sure why the battery or the charger is not working. or a second hand dslr? i want a light and small camera to carry around but at the same time, i want to try out a dslr. decisions decisions. gah! wish i can have the luxury to have both...

kimi wa hitori jyanai

2009-02-25T12:53:00.005+08:00

this thing inside me is eating me up slowly. i can't imagine myself not working for the longest time. it's really hard. i'm not denying it. back to the basic question again, what can i do besides doing designing job. you know that feeling of crying out for help? i am in the phase of life right now. it's not like i'm suicidal or anything but feeling very 无奈. i saw somewhere that if you put 无奈 + 无奈 = very 无奈 lolz.... that's how i feel at the moment. it's quite shitty but that's how life is, isn't it? some days we get really nice rainbows, some days it rain for like nobody's business.

sungai lembing

2009-02-17T11:57:00.021+08:00

last monday, an ex-room mate of 8 beds sharing dorm and a backpacking friend i met in NZ invited me to hike sungai lembing's bukit panorama in pahang state. what better way to celebrate chap goh mei away from the crowds and jam. it was also an relaxing getaway from the city life. there is probably not much to do there. back then, sungai lembing was a tin mining area and now, most of the old wooden shoplots are unoccupied. u will probably see a lot of older folks where as young adults are mostly working in the nearer city such as kuantan. it's a laid back place. when the night falls, karaoke is one of the entertainment in the town area. not the usual pop songs u will hear but chinese oldies...sang by some of the old folks. we stayed in a homestay (bungalow turn holiday villa) which was worth every penny (RM75 for 3 person per night). the rooms were equiped with beds, mattresses, ceiling fans, air cond, table drawers, heater (shower) and in the living hall, there is a karaoke set, astro (for the city ppl i suppose...) and kettle for boiling water. reminds me of the time we stays in those similar hostels/backpackers in NZ. i would say bukit panorama is an easy hike compared to those in NZ. if one is fit, probably takes about 30 mins relaxing hike up the top (that is if one always go mountain hiking).

reaching kuantan.

the famous cherating beach (club med).

this beach is also a nesting spot for sea turtles.

vegetarian tomato mee for dinner! OMG...and i thought only kuching has tomato mee.

this was the shop we had our dinner in sungai lembing.

this is how quiet the place is at night.

the owner at the villa sells beer too! RM5 for 1 can.

relaxing the night away. i think i have not celebrate chap goh mei for many years!

got up at 4.30am and getting ready to hike.

the "team-leader".

right before the break of dawn. u can see sungai lembing and the town area.

awesome sunrise and scenery. gua charas in the background.

ferns from the mountain.

part of the walkway...so it's not really like real hiking...i would say.

when day light came.

all photos are courtesy of allen tan.

がんばります！

2009-02-13T14:12:00.005+08:00

few days ago, my housemate got his motorbike from his brother's place and we were going around from PJ to Mont Kiara and almost to downtown KL. i never know riding a bike can be so much fun. it's the first time i ride on a motorbike since i live in KL for 5-6 years. i am feeling more and more lonesome since the very much commercialised day is just around the corner. eventhough i told myself i'm giving up hope and waiting, deep down inside, i still want an answer from her. any answer, at least. this is by far the worst unofficial break up ever. guess i just have to keep on going. move on. i have another interview tomorrow and i hope i will do well on this one. i hope i do get a job soon and get the dice rolling. tired of just sitting around and memory of the her keep haunting me. i need to keep myself occupied. at least just to keep me from thinking too much. i know i will meet someone sooner. until then, i just have to keep telling myself it's over. it's in the past. look forward to life. life is short but yet a long way and so much more yet to be discovered. this life long journey just started, so just enjoy the ride!

genki jyanai

2009-02-08T23:43:00.017+08:00

i will miss our always so random and ridiculous way together. Lake Pukaki.

together under the sakura tree at Queenstown city centre.

first time pouring and serving me sake at some japanese restaurant in Queenstown.

one of our many rides together. (Snowpark, Wanaka.)

walking up the hill top at Queenstown and was dead tiring because both of us thinks the gondola was way expensive.

i will miss our eigo to nihongo no benkyo time together.

i will miss you cutting my hair.

how u get so nervous when u met my german friend for the first time and thought she was my ex.

our getaway weekend together and also to celebrate my last bday in Christchurch.

how u made me so worried when you teamed up with Kazu and Tobi and lied to me just so you can buy the skate shoes we saw in Queenstown and got it as my bday present.

i will miss manja-ing to you the most.

and how you Kazu, Tobi teamed up again to made me a surprise bday party.

but most of all...i will just miss you a lot. and i still do.

i thought just maybe, after so many years of being alone, after numerous experiences, i would somehow feel less heartache if someone i treasure a lot leaves me. the feeling have not sink in. ever so often, i would comfort myself to sleep at night. the pain still lingers. how can i ever forget about you when we first met, you told me language wasn't a barrier, height was not a problem, all the stupid promises you made me kept. all those stupid crashes, blooding, cuts, bruises during riding the snow is nothing because you taught me to suck it up. when i first started this backpack journey, i was hoping to find a direction, something. i don't know just something. it was a bonus to have met you in this "not so part of the trip" rendezvous. it was really a surprise and i would never thought this would happen to a small town boy like me. you could have choosen any jap guys over me then. now i'm back to square one. i'm lost in the middle of nowhere again. let's just hope this time i can find my way out and learnt something from this experience.

free hugs

2009-02-05T04:16:00.005+08:00

i have this really really silly idea on what to do on valentine's day. i was thinking if i should do this since i am free and available on that day. remember the "free hugs" video on youtube not too long ago? i want to try that. i think i should celebrate the occasion by giving people what i think really comes from inside that matters. isn't that what it is all about? before it became commercialized. well, i thought of several venues such as pavillion and klcc...outside the malls of course. anyway, if u think i should do it, please leave a message here. if i do get more than 1,000 responses, ok...who am i kidding myself? we'll see. will keep you posted.

edited: chances are i'm not gonna do it because there is few factors that worries me. one, i might get into trouble with the securities and management. secondly, if no ones comes up to me, i would be standing there like an idiot holding a big cardboard. so much for a thought. who knows someone might beat me to the idea!

2009-01-28T02:07:00.012+08:00

the truth is, i have been emo-ing for quite some time now. i guess love is a short lived thing. may be what they said about what happens in vegas stays in vegas is true. in my case, it's nz. i have no news what so ever about my gf for more than 1 month. and the latest email from her was she saying she was so busy she have no time to pick up my calls. 24 hours a day and really no time? or may be it is an unspoken rule for japanese hinting a break up? honestly, i've been quite numb. i tried to give thousand of reasons that she could be super busy. (the fact that she is on a snowboarding holiday in hokkaido while doing some part time job as well) may be i should stop giving her benefit of a doubt.

the truth is i miss her like hell. life goes on aight? my life is not always happening. the best time of my life is short lived. can i put this all behind me and pretend it was nothing but a mere delusion. i was happy. i was more than just happy. i thought i finally have love. or so i thought.

thank you for showing me what love feels like. to live it and truly breathe it.

ありがとう！さよなら。。。

i'm broke but it's okay

2008-12-30T02:50:00.011+08:00

2008 is coming to an end like real soon. not too sure what i achieved this year but i can pretty much said i had a ball of a time backpacking and snowboarding in nz. definitely an experience to remember. it's really crazy walking around in heavy backpack, a laptop bag and food bag. if i ever go backpack again, i will try to remind myself to loose the laptop...lolz but it did come in handy during the trip. there are times when i feel bored and i can just watch some downloaded dramas and animes. many must be wondering how it feels like to backpack in another country all by yourself. i guess it was really fun. the best part was meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life and different background and culture. initially it was a getaway vacation from my life. sort of like a journey to find who i really am and what i really want from life. honestly i was quite lost then, i lost my directions, walking this concrete jungle not feeling belonging. i told myself, just may be, i might find myself in the middle of nowhere again. i just have to let go all my doubts and enjoy the ride where ever it takes me.
why new zealand? why not? i had never been to kiwi-land before this and i heard so much good reviews from people who has visit that enchanted land where many beautiful scenery were captured on films and photographs. actually, my first backpacking plan was UK, but my plan backfired because back then i didn't have enough cash, not enough guts to be rejected and loose that visa fees which was not cheap at all. few months later an ex-colleague of mine told me about how easy it was to get nz working holiday visa. all u have to do is surf, click and apply (have your visa card ready) everything done online. So i gave it a try since the visa fee was reasonably cheap. got my visa within 3 days! so that was the part where i sent in my resignation letter and try to get myself a travel buddy to go with. unfortunately, the plan did not turn out the way i wanted. i ended up going there all by myself which was fine.
i got myself into trouble with the custom when i arrived at the airport. the officer was checking on me for at least 15 minutes while many people waiting eagerly behind me. i was of course freaked out....asking me heaps of questions like where am i going to stay, how much did i bring and what will i be doing for the next few months....*later during the trip only have i realised that there are too many malaysians who travel to nz and just work there instead of backpacking...and i guess the immigration people is not too thrilled about it. it's like we give u working holiday visa (which translate to working part time and in order to get yourself some pocket money for travelling) and u come to our country just to make money.
i don't know about u guys but i had a thing for korean and japanese girls back then and it would be fantastic if i get to meet just 1 korean or jap chic! i think fate has a lot to do with this trip as i met a group of japanese friends on my first day in Auckland. not only that, most of the time while travelling from places to places, i met so many japanese and i made friends with them. it was unbelievable. well, i can tell u that nz has way too many german backpackers and they always say the same, "we come here to learn english, and we bums into so many germans all the time we can't practise english".... LOL...damn funny i tell u. during this trip, i met a lot of friends from taiwan, malaysia, japan, uk, argentina, chile, some holland, hk, korea, france, germany, israel...and some local kiwis too! it was during my mid of june that i decided to use the rest of my time in nz just for snowboarding. i didn't know what i was getting myself into. before meeting my current gf, i met this jap girl whom worked together at the apple packing house. she was the one who got me excited about snowboarding. so i decided to meet her in that small town that later became my "home" for the next 4 months. i did have a crush on her but things did not turn out alright. luckily, this small town called Methven was a ski and snowboarding resort town and it was famous for japanese tourists and winter sport lovers. i didn't know about it beforehand. guess i was really lucky. in a small town, i got myself a job in a thai restaurant as waiter/kitchen hand. it was so weird because there was so many japanese around that i feel like i was living in a small town in japan instead. well, the town is basically consist of local kiwis and "temporary" visitors that stays few months for skiing and snowboarding.
it was then i met my current gf. we met on the ski resort mountain in the cafeteria. i got to know a lot of japanese friends because the hostel/backpacker i was staying at was full of japanese skiers or riders. and it has become a norm for them to mistaken me as a jap (i think mainly because of my facial hair) that was how i was mistaken for a jap on my first day in NZ! i got mistaken by some of the elderly jap tourists many times during this whole trip as they were trying to strike a conversation with me which was sad because i couldn't speak much of nihon-go.
it was so nice and strange because for 4 months, i live with japanese friends in the same hostel. day in day out, i hear more japanese talking then english. let alone the manager of the place speaks fluent jap too...and he is a kiwi! (he used to work in japan)
i think not many people get to do what i did....i know most of them are just backpacking in nz but to stay a full season for snowboarding? i was like the only malaysian rider on the mountain that did a full season. of course i fell a lot, during the first 2 weeks, i crashed so much and hurted my body so bad i feel like giving up but i didn't. Snowboarding was one of thing i was in love with when i was growing up. it was the chance of a lifetime and i gave my best. riding together with all the top jap snowboarders, we were hitting the mountain like nobody's business. we jumped off cliffs, doing kickers, boxes, rails...anything u can imagine. thanks to that, my left knee hurts when i sleep especially cold nights. (had a bad crash and hurted my knee once when i had a bad landing off the jump!)
i envy japanese because they work few months, go on snowboarding vacation for months without work. apparently, part timer in japan get really good money. they gave me the feeling that they don't really bother much about life. just live to enjoy. i envy them because they have snow in japan...when the snow finish, they fly to snowboard again in NZ! damn these ppl!...LOL which means they have 2 winter season in a year!!
after 4 months of backpacking, 4 months of snowboarding (can't get enough of snow) i am finally back in reality. then the recession. its not looking too good on my side as i am slowly feeling the impact on me.
i am still jobless (hopefully i'll get a reply from the agency soon *double fingers crossed*) but i'm happy. the gf is painfully hard to reach but i shall wait and see. they say love is patient. but this dude is one impatient fella. there are some that suggested it is an impossible relationship and there are some that saw the good in the bad. well, my goal now is to focus on getting a job first thing first. then we will see what goes on from there.
ok, it's so "early" in the morning i should go to bed already.
anyhoo, may u guys have a wonderful year ahead, do what u want in life cos u only live once! don't look back regretting.

2008-12-16T18:33:00.003+08:00

why is everything still in a blur ; (

2008-11-07T18:35:00.004+08:00

home is really hot. i know it has always been, just that whenever i return home from somewhere cold, my body can't adjust to the temperature in a short period of time. just like the time when i came back from korea at -5 celcius and to the humidity of malaysia. kinda miss the cold weather of nz now.

almost 2 days of flying, transits (feel like endless) are making me very tired. the sky in wellington and auckland were fired up with fireworks when i was flying from Christchurch. it was fireworks week in nz and really cool because it was something i never seen before from another view. too bad my camera broke down like months ago. otherwise i would have share this kodak moment with u all.

i guess travelling really teaches me something. that one ought to be humble. that life is fragile and cultural differences are unique and we sometimes take them for granted.

this is one of the life invaluable experience i would not trade for anything. i am also glad to be home. once all charged up, i will take another journey to another land. next stop, nihon!!?

this is not goodbye

2008-11-02T11:39:00.002+08:00

i am finally going home. at last!

i probably be questioned at the airport by immigration why didn't i leave the country since my visa has been expired since august. well. i don't blame them because i filed for a work permit and it says on the paper they will process the whole thing within 60 days but sadly it has took them longer than that so i requested for my passport to be sent back! and u know what? it took them another 2 weeks to get it back to me after many phone calls and emails/faxes!

anyway, i finally got my air tickets all sorted out. i'm flying off from christchurch to auckland next wednesday! and few hours sleep at auckland airport as my flight leaving from auckland - brisbane - brunei - kuching is 5.30am in the morning. and i will probably have half day in brunei as my that was the only connecting flight available. it's gonna be a tiring trip home.

it's ironic i'm not looking forward to go back just yet when i have been procrastinating the urge to go home so badly since the last few months. part of me is nervous about the fact that money is a big problem for me now. i am short of time. i need to save heaps before i can see her and realised our dream. where should i start? i need a proper visa if i want to go there. so many questions in my head. wanting to go and knowing how is totally two different thing altogther. do i have enough time to master the language barrier in such a short time? everything seems muzukashi at times. the gf says i should try. i should give it a try before giving up any hopes, shouldn't i?

i'm still in the mist of a mix feeling. i am really going home this time! wow. no more snowboarding for some time now. i'll really miss this sport! but i am very enthusiastic about getting back on skateboarding again! just to practice my balance and get in shape if i ever going to ride the snow in the near future!

i will definitely miss all my friends i met here and kind hearts that lend me their helps during this trip. i really can't believe that i will be stepping on the plane home in 4 days!

jya mata ne the land of the long white cloud!

2008-10-29T17:47:00.003+08:00

the last people on the very last day of the season!

group photo! my first backcountry attempt!

it was a very good day! thank you mt hutt! thank you my friends! i will remember this and take it with me back home. tanoshikatta!

arigatou gozaimashita!!

2008-10-26T16:26:00.003+08:00

Mt Hutt around early August, photo by Yukiko.

it's all so quiet now.

guess i was the first to come to this hostel and will be the last one to leave. can't imagine i had stayed here since the mid of june. it's crazy. i came to this remoted little town where posters on the walls here called them "Amazing Space". also known as Methven, Mt Hutt Village. it's a small town that almost everyone knows everyone. every skiers or riders who came here knows each other like the back of their mind. even if you don't know those riders, you have seen them on the mountain or strolling along the town area. it's really that small.

for the last few weeks, i felt like i just want to go home so badly. i lost the intention of travelling. i guess i waited too long for my visa and for once, i don't feel like i would spend my time here in a foreign country anymore.
it would be nice if i can work and play here but the thing is, there is nothing that would hold me from doing so. the currency is better compared to back home but my conscious just doesn't feel right. i ran out of reasons to stay here.
i'm low on the green notes and i am barely able to think about travelling nor anything.

i miss my family. i miss my gf. i miss my japanese friends whom been living together under this hostel for the past 3-4 months whom has already gone home. i miss malaysian food. i miss the dirty and busy crowds at mamak or wai sek kai. i miss eating dinner alone after work.

i'll be heading back to the capital soon in late november. i don't know what is awaiting me. one thing i know for sure, i will be busy when i head home. a new condo awaiting for me to be furnished. this time, my dad will follow and help me to furnish the new place. busy finding a new job or freelancing? i hate to wake up to reality.

for the last few weeks, i have been waiting patiently for any news regarding my visa. or at least return my passport to me so i can go home. i hope. i pray. please let me go home!

during this journey, i met some malaysians who came here just to do seasonal work, i suppose they want to extend longer period and stay here as long as they could. i am lucky. i live a life of a backpacker for the first 4 months. life of a snowboarder for the next 4 months! (not many people get to live this kind of dream if you are a malaysian) because we only have 6 months WHV (working holiday visa). in my case, i get 2 extra months while waiting for my visa extension to be approved.

in some ways, i can say that i am lucky but contradicting to that, i am not feeling too good as i have stayed more than i intended to. i just want to go home now. no more snowboarding (for now) and i know i will miss this lifestyle. it's back to reality for me. i need to go home. earn heaps of money for my next trip to jpn. everyday i am faced with life uncertainties. actually, that's life. everyone elses too i suppose. kaeru koto wo tanoshimi ni shiteiru.

updates: guess what? i am finally getting my passport back. not so sure if it's good news or not. i am anticipating the return of my passport some time within the next few days. all of these has to be done by many many phone calls to the immigration and faxes. now that i have a confirmation that my passport will be sent back to me, i'm not so sure about wanting to go home just yet. well, part of me still wants to stay. part of me knows that there is some responsibilities awaiting me back home. a responsibility as a man, son, and future husband? all of a sudden, i feel my shoulders getting heavier by tons.

i should tell myself to look on the brighter side of life, at least i get to snowboard for one last time tomorrow as the season finish off by labour weekend reopen on the mountain!

mt hutt, here i come charging for one last time! i am so gonna hit the powder tomorrow! save some pow for me oh dear mountain!

the end of a new beginning

2008-10-11T11:13:00.001+08:00

it has been 11 days since you left. i missed you every second of the day.

i missed home too btw. i just want to book the next flight home but the thing is, immigration is still holding my passport and my status of visa is unknown. sad indeed. i don't want any more visa, i just want to go home.

i have enough time here in nz. i just want to go home and recharge and may be save enough money to visit my baby in jpn. my mind is nothing but wanting to go home. not wanting to visit anymore places in nz as money is near to zero.

just tired mentally and physically.

one more week left for me to snowboard. it will be a treasure i hold deeply. i fell in love with the sport. i fell in love with the girl who is good at it. nothing can be more contented than now.

matteyo

2008-09-29T10:31:00.005+08:00

koishiiku narudarou...

3 months has passed so fast and yet i am nothing but happy. i enjoyed every bit of the time together. the last 2 weeks was almost endless euphoria. it is the happiest time of my life in nz and also 28 years of my life. u gave me so much love i don't know how to return. i already started to miss u. i will not say goodbye da kedo mata rainen, nihon ikitai, matteyo non chan.

2008-09-21T13:15:00.002+08:00

i'm on top of the world now. {Coronet Peak}

we arrived in Te Anau today. will be heading for Milford Sound tomorrow. Queenstown and Wanaka was super! the snow was slushy but good fun with my mates. good snowboarders. i hope i will be one by the end of the season. i have a feeling this will be my first and last season. now i'm doing more tricks and moves that i have never thought i could. it's really living a dream. i am thankful for everything that i'm doing and living right now. decent job, good boss, good friends and a newly found love.

hontoni arigato gozaimashita!

2008-09-14T05:08:00.002+08:00

last night a pro snowboarder friend asked me a question. "calvin, ima tanoshi desuka?" my answer was, "ima shiawase desu!"

in my mind, i want this moment to stay like this forever. i found myself more in love with you everyday.
honmani okini. honki desu.

tomorrow i will be on the road again. this time, i'll be heading to queenstown, wanaka, probably stopping by lake tekapo, milford sound again. it's going to be a snowboarding trip and as well as sight seeing trip. although i've been to these places, it's going to be different because i'm going with you and two other best mates. i know it's going to be awesome because i'm riding with the best nihon riders.

ashita wa tanoshimi.

much love,
anata ga tomodachi.

2008-08-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

i'm lost in myself again. i want to wasureru kedo muri. i want to say ikanaide kedo muri. kimino seide fuan da...kimino seide shiawasedatta...kimino seide i'm lost...so lost. i want to escape this feeling kedo muri. shinyoshite i tell myself but can i really? mainichi i try to learn as much nihon go so i can have conversations with u. kedo mada mada...
where should i go from here...dokoni ikuno?
what should i do from now...dousiyou?

this morning, out of randomness, i was at friend's place and weighted myself. it was shocking because i lost 6kgs since i last came here. at 48kg now, i'm no where near a healthy weight. no way.
one of my friends said that i worried too much about life. in other words, stressed. am i really so stressed out about life? from an outsider, they probably tell me that i'm a happy go lucky don't care about anything and live life to the fullest but am i really?

i want to be happy again.
will i be happy again?
is it really over?

i am lost in the middle of nowhere. in the middle of no where, will i find myself again?

i can only hope and do my best.

love beats everything

2008-08-22T06:00:00.003+08:00

it's amazing how time really flies. it's been almost 6 months now since i last step foot on nz soil. it's been fun and heaps of exciting events during my stay here. not to mention lots of ups and downs. i met a lot of wonderful people and new mates. about my visa, i am still waiting as it will takes about 6o days for the immigration to give a me reply. so as u can see, my visa status now is on "pending" mode. i can stay in nz for the period of "pending". along this time, i met and found someone i hope and wish to share my heart with. she is awesome. she is a great snowboarder, probably my snowboarding sensei too. it has not been easy. at times, i feel like i'm trying to maintain my life, snowboarding, work and her, struggling pieces of puzzles. the greatest fear now is losing her. her flight leave next week to japan. i may and might not see her again for a long period of time. possibility of changing her flight ticket is uncertain. so many uncertainties i am facing. what am i going to do when she goes back. what am i going to do next when i leave nz in november (a big "IF" if i get my visa approved). there is these 2 guys i shared a 8 beds room with is asking me to go to japan to work for them next march. they want to start a backpacker + cafe business in Hakuba, Nagano (where winter olympic was held some years ago). this is also one of the uncertainties i have to go through as they will be my boss and manager. it's different when we are friends and being your superior. i don't want to think about it but it does bothers me even the slightest bits. they are nice ppl no doubts. i'm just feeling wary that they might work me to deaths...hahahaha as japanese are known to be workaholic in asians work groups. ok, may be i'm too skeptical. this is another few months more short of time. i need not worry about it now.
i found myself in a very awkward situation now. at times, i feel like i want to give up this relationship as it is near to a love suicide. some friends said i should have never started this r/s. it's a little bit late for this as i don't think i can give her up now. trying to stay and think positive and just enjoy the time i have left with her and make it a memory i will cherish for the rest of my life. i kept telling myself this over and over in my mind. it's hard. harder than i could imagine it to be. i think all my life, i've been struggling with love. may be a wee too much. i should take it easy. if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. no worries, everything is ok! (that's one of my jap's friend motto)
i need the strength and power to get through this period of time. i really do. please let me have the best winter season ever. life is short. i guess each and everyone of us want and need more time. time is never enough. like they say, may the best man wins! but i would like think, may the sweetest moments be remembered and reminisced over and over again.

2008-08-12T20:49:00.002+08:00

today i went to immigration again to extend my visa. i'm really loving snowboarding and good times and new tomodachi here in methven. yokattane. had my application dropped off at the immigration office and what i do now is just wait.
life is pretty good now. i am liking this lifestyle. snowboarding by day, working by night. though it's tiring but good fun!
it's really good to have nice friends to ride with on the mountain. sometimes i like riding by myself as i'm more of a freestyler than a freerider. there are heaps of good japanese snowboarders. this is good as i am learning from them. it's been almost 20 times up the mountain for me but still not that good tho. i'm progressing as the day passes. i hope and i want to be as good as my friend or even better than my snowboarding sensei.
not sure if i mentioned this before but i am getting a bit homesick now. missing the food and ppl back home. especially my family and my homies. before i came to nz, i always thought of wanting to work here but now i changed my mind. not that nz is not a good place to earn and live but i like to think of it as a place to travel and enjoy instead of just working my ass off like how it was before in the big capital of home country. i'm looking forward to go home soon but not so soon. i miss my cosy room and big house and also my dog. how was the beijing olympic opening? i missed it last week cos i was working at the thai restaurant. hopefully someone recorded it down so i might have a chance to view it when i am free. youtube or anything, doesn't matter.
the truth is i am dead tiring now as i woke up at 5.30am this morning to snow covered town of methven and went to christchurch with my friend driving me and another fella sleeping at the back of the car! hahha....very tiring day as i had to queue up for the immigration "lines" before it opens it doors to the public. not to mentioned my clumsy friend who left his car key in the car and we had to stand in the cold and had the mechanic to open the car's door but failed miserably. last call was the lock smith and in less than 10 seconds, the car was opened! it took us 60 dollars off our wallet : ( sadly...

anyhow, it's time for bed. till then, keep warm, at least for those in nz and cold climates!

2008-07-13T09:20:00.000+08:00

I feel a bit depressed the fact that I have not been able to get up the mountain since thursday. my season pass at mt hutt is only available for mid week (mon-fri). i really need to find something to do in this quiet little town. i don't know if it's just me or i'm too sensitive. i feel like my friend whom used to be closed to me has found new friends and kinda leave me aside or this particular friend of mine has always been like that. yesterday while having nothing better to do, i was walking in the town area and i bumped into this friend of mine and some other ppl i met up on the mountain. a normal reaction would be that friend would probably give u a hi or wave but that friend did not. i find it very odd. of cos i did wave to them. maybe she did not see me. maybe i'm just too sensitive. i do have some newly found friends in this town. there is heaps of ppl from my hostel. the thing is we were all quite close in the beginning. now everything seems to drift apart? maybe i have that tendency to be close to ppl whom i just met. just a bit upset and feeling neglected in some sense. maybe i'm too emo. i have not felt this way in a long time. the very last time i did feel this way was when i'm still back in my home country. the capital. big buzzling city life accompanied by this no so unfamiliar sense of loneliness. i can't help thinking and wanting to escape this feeling. this morning while flipping through some books at the hostel, i found a translated japanese book. it in, the writer seems to feel that the only way out of loneliness is through death. sounds very skeptical but sadly i found it quite true in some sense. i hate the feeling this way. never really good at it. i really wish i can get to know more ppl and maybe organize something fun to do together when we can't go up the mountain. i'm not the type of person who can sit still. i'm more of the on-the-run sort of person.
few days ago, i handed some documents to my boss as i need him to assist me with my work permit. i will wait patiently. i will also have to rent a car tomorrow or some time next week so i can go the the next town to have my X-ray scanned. it's incredibly stupid because the medical centre here told me they do full medical check up but can't do a X-ray for me? why is that? and they call themselves a medical centre?...sometimes i just don't understand. sometimes it seems very illogical.

2008-07-07T09:34:00.001+08:00

it's been more than 3 weeks since i arrived in this little town called Methven. a lot of times, i do feel bored cos there is basically nothing much to do when the mt is closed due to certain days (bad weather and bad road conditions). the only thing to keep me occupied is by working. now i'm a cleaner at one of the lodges by day and waiter at the thai restaurant by night. last weekend was super busy for me as one of the waitress can't come in for work and she has to stay and look after the lodge as her owner was away for holiday. it's good money for me as i get to work more but the thing is i'm working 3 days non stop from 9am-9pm fri, sat and sun. i ended up sick. i had sore throat a day ago and fever last night (i caught a cold from the thai restaurant cos it was too cold). now i'm down with flu and cough. it's not so bad actually. i get to rest a day off instead of heading up to the mt for snowboarding. i really do like this town. the ppl are friendly. almost everyone knows everyone. it does bothers me a bit cos when a small town like this, rumours travel fast and that's not very good. not that there is any bad rumours going on about me but i just don't like that idea. today i will call up immigration and ask about my visa extension details. *fingers crossed*
i haven't gotten any reply from my mum since last week. i'm a bit upset. maybe she is busy at work. lol and i told them to give me a ring when they are free. it's crazy expensive to call home! i really hate not hearing any words from home since i try to make an effort to do so on my part. *hmmmp*
how is everyone back home? the only thing that concerns me now is my future. what will i do when i get home. i don't feel like going back to advertising again. it's a dog-eat-dog world.
more updates soon...

2008-06-30T11:36:00.003+08:00

got myself a new job as a cleaner at one of the backpackers and they pay me bucks!~ how sweet is that? thanks to my jap friend whom intro me the job. more income for paying my weekly rent and food! bad news is i can't get as much working days at the thai restaurant as they are hiring more ppl now but the boss and staffs there treats me real nice! and the boss is a super nice too! occasional free shots from the boss (he makes really nice shots! as in alcohol)
everything is fine here except my back is still sore from the fall 2 weeks ago and shoulder and front chest injury from snowboarding. my right leg is starting to take in the pain.
i can't say enough...i'm really missing home now but not wanting to go home just yet. this morning while walking to work, i saw the mountain was all white. white powdery snow is all i think of. cold but sunny up there! fuhs, the snow is 80cm thicker than before!

see you in the powder!

let it snow. let it snow. let it snow.

2008-06-23T03:19:00.004+08:00

today will be my last day at YHA Methven. i am moving to another backpacker to stay and this time I will have to pay for accommodation. it's $130 a week and i think it's quite pricey but i was told they are the cheapest weekly paid backpacker in town. i will try my best to look for a flat (single room) to rent. looks like everyone is looking for a flat here. it's really hard to be honest. i also got myself a new job at a thai restaurant. i get paid 10 dollars an hour. 1 free dinner and 1 free meals from the menu after work. it's not too bad. i really think if i work hard for this job, the boss/manager will be happy and recognize my effort.
the snow up the mountain is 18cm thicker after last night~! this is good news for the boarders and skiers! i might hitch hike to go up later when i'm done packing and moving to the new place. so much has happened along this journey. sometimes i really do feel like giving up but good souls always keep me on my toe. keeps me positive! that no matter how hard or the situation is, i myself have to be in control. life isn't always so smooth as u think for me. some bumps and hick-ups r necessary for growing. i am starting to feel a bit homesick. i miss the warm sun. mamak. family. friends. but still, this is something i will look back and not have any regrets on later in life! this is what i do. this is what i want. embracing every bit of the moment as i go.

2008-06-18T12:36:00.009+08:00

was in methven for 2 days and i found a job and a place to stay on the 3rd day. it was somehow a blessing. guess i count my blessing too soon. i work for accomodation. in other words, i get free stay and breakfast as long as i do the chores at the backpackers. i started working today and it was alright. easy stuffs. preparing breakfast, doing beds, washing and drying laundry...the thing is i like this job, its easy and i have time to go up the mountain after morning chores. my job starts at 6.45am and probably ends at 11am or so. well, i like the place, cosy place and clean kitchen...though my sharing dorm stinks of "i-don't-know-what". my boss is alright but sometimes a bit over "kin tio"... this morning while doing the hostel's laundry and my own laundry...he turned off the drying machine and came to me a bit upset telling me i shouldn't use the drying machine as the weather outside is sunny. the thing is...the cloth hanging lines are all fully hang by the bed sheets...so i thought its ok to use the drying machine as the is no more space left to hang. while having my late lunch, he came to me with a harsh tone: "there is a big problem...when i said something, i meant it...." u can imagine the rest. i wasn't happy...but i know its saving powers and stuffs. he was briefing the rest of the staffs and i this morning about saving powers in the hostel... i am just using drying machine like once a week...(that's how i usually do my laundry..) it's not gonna take so much of the bill is it?...why making such a big deal out of it... i am quite thankful that he took me in for work because i was just asking for job the day before and he had to let go one of the guys cos he can't speak good english. i need this job and place to stay as i'm gonna go up the mountain as much as possible since i already bought the winter season pass! anyway, this will pass. i shall not like this beat me. (for now i must "tao tao use pc in my dorm"...can't go outside liao cos he will sure nag about using too much electricity again... :(

anyways, photos from snowboarding! enjoy.

onigiri for lunch

mist in the evening. it was so thick the we can only see many metres ahead of us at ground zero.

breathing life

2008-06-08T10:00:00.029+08:00

last weekend was the queen's birthday and it was a long weekend. some friends who works together at the pack house invited me to Abel Tasman National Park. it was a 3 days get away from the busy apples packing schedule.

edited: got a sms this evening from my younger sis. her bf proposed to her and she told me the wedding will be held probably end of next year. i'm truly happy for her! best part is, the ring was somewhat like tiffany & co. it was something she wish to have cos we were talking about the ring she would love to have months before i came backpacking in nz.

Pupu Springs (New Zealand largest natural spring)

Wainui Bay

Wainui Falls

Tata Beach

some harbour by Tata Beach

watching sunset...

the weekend crews: me, takuya, hiroshi, masato

catch of the day!

horse riding at Cape Farewell

we made wonderful dinner at Takaka: japanese dish; 3 colours rice & potato soup by Masato + Takuya, spaghetti bolognese by Hiroshi + me.

Bark Bay (we started off the Coastal Track by water taxi from Marahau and walk 6 hours back to Marahau) tiring but it was all worth it! not to mention we also spotted heaps of glow worms before the Marahau exit.

The Costal Track, which give wonderful view of the beach and surrounding of Abel Tasman National Park. I can't say i been to a lot of tracks but this is by far my most fave track! I've only done Tongariro Crossing at Tongariro National Park, Hooker Valley and Tasman Valley track from Mt Cook.

lunch at Torrent Bay (wrapped rice + miced beef)

banzai nippon! *rofl*

random jump off a tree bark!

7 more days to go before i see snow and feel snow! mt hutt, i'm so coming!