5.4.07

this is my alter ego speaking

i'm tired of life. awaiting a miracle? not sure.
they say good things will come to those with patience...(really?) but that's what i always try to convince myself and others to believe in. how can something that i'm not even sure and put to use on others? may be i need a little more faith in myself.
life has been a-ok. nothing fancy. work is hectic. try to cramp in exercise on my weekends. i swim twice a week (don't think its enough tho). no more basketball since the lebron shoes died on me ages ago :P i'm trying to get rid of my tummy. (yes, i have a flabby now, a small one that is...) u can help me by not asking me to go supper or offer me food others than breakfast, lunch and dinner...lolz (yes, i'm quite lame and u can't see my tummy doesn't mean its not there...lol)
how's the love life some might ask. its getting there...(so i try to convince no one but myself :P)
sometimes i really do think i'll walk down this life alone. will be expecting baby sister marrying before i do (soon). seeing heaps of other friends tying knots already (its no longer a taboo).
i guess life has been fair. fair in the sense that my family is doing ok. they are all healthy. i wish for nothing but to see my family happy and healthy. yes, probably i might add one more wish, to have someone walking alongside sharing every possible notions of feelings, be it good or bad (that will come in time, that's what the old n wise might add). but the question always comes to one, "when"? do u have the answer? may be she is already there. i believe there are ppl who are willing to stand alongside us. but the question now is, am i willing to open up? sadly, no. i don't open up to ppl easily.
u want my trust, u need to earn it. no easy way in (unless u can cook well, jk...that was me speaking, not my alter ego).
i try to not let my disappointments of the past overshadow my judgements...(and so i try even harder to convince this person i've been living with for the past 26 years and going).
and so i called out..."are u out there my love?" my searching soul...i'm still awaiting your returning.

reaching out for happiness (do come home soon...i do miss u dearly). every steps and breathe i take.

2 Comments:

Blogger Chienne said...

emo-nyer... hugs. you'll do fine silly bro. i guess just persevere in your pursuit of happiness =)

i think this is one of my fav posts by you. sad, funny, hopeful, and honest.

well, either way you MUST invite me to your wedding when it does happen okokokokokok?

8:55 AM  
Blogger calvism said...

heart sis deep deep *bear huggggsssss* hehe = )

1:44 AM  

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