who am i kidding?

the monkey, the girl, the mate.

after last night incident, i realised my heart is still very much alive and warm. i thought i was turning into this cold person i never knew. had not felt so cut since the mae no koibito incident. can't say i'm fully well but i'm taking in the results of my actions as i type. a good friend from LA told me today that i should have known better, that we cannot please everyone around us. i mean why should we? we should make ourselves happy first before anyone else. i can't say i have fully gotten over the nihon ex but i am moving on with my life. i'm just really something. whenever i found myself someone good, i tend to turn them away. when i'm in my own emo world and alone, i crave for love so bad that i doubt it exist. i'm just good at messing things up before it got serious. sometimes i just wish i can go back to the time when everything is okay and just enjoy that moment forever. f***, life was so good then! i could not have ask for more. it was so real, still think about it once in a while. life does go on.


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