everything in moderation

whenever i have dinner alone, i tend to observe ppl and my surrounding. i realized life in the city is hard. its hectic. there is no chance for mistakes. the kiasu-ness is so tense u can feel it even when u'r driving on the road to work. u know it when u don't wanna give ways to the other cars trying desperately to cut in the lane. sometimes i wonder why i made this choice to work in the city. the air, water and noise pollution is kao kao. back home, its so breezy and cooling at night and i even get the see the stars by looking up the sky. here? fat chance man. see polluted sky and clouds got la. lol the only stars here are satelites lolz
well, i guess the only reason i'm working in this polluted concrete city is for the working experience and exposure. otherwise, i would be seen lepaking and chilling on a sat at bing's cafe which i kill to have. life in kch is good. the food is cheap. family is there. get to bully sis. lol and get to watch big ass plasma tv chilling on my mum's exp sofa watching korean dramas on dvd. get to roam in a big house. friends r just a call away. its like a small paradise. i tell u. but whats lack is probably big city life entertainment and working exposure. otherwise i won't trade kch for anything. ANYTHING! nah uh!
i'm scare. i'm scare that the city might eat me up. i witnessed ppl coming to the city and changed. they became more realistic and materialized. i guess i did change at some point. i became this other person i don't even know anymore. i look in the mirror but all i see is a boy living his dream but has he forgotten his root? u tell me.
the only lacking now is love. i still hate to eat alone. i hate to see lovey dovey couples. i still hate to watch movie alone and i only do it cos its easier to get better seat and no hassle waiting for ppl or having the other person wanting to watch another movie which is opposed to yours. which is part of the reason i'm happy to see familiar faces visiting kl and me being the host. parting with them is hard too. not when u'r having the time of your life with them. i'm never good with parting.
sometimes i wonder if i ever going to meet "you". oh well, if i don't, i guess its ok. i don't mind being not married uncle to my sister's children next time. i'll bet i'll be a cool uncle :P anyways, that is not the point. i wish someday sooner, i'll get to meet "you" and write our love just so ppl can only read of.

love,
calv's alter ego signing off! xoxo