way behind schedule

you know when someone tells you not to do it but somehow the words just not get into your head? i kind of did something that i shouldn't have. i needed to let it out. there's a lot of things i needed to let it out but it's not possible. thanks to myself, now my knee is giving me that sensation i have not feel since thursday. the moral of the story is, never try to be a smart ass.
i wasted my sunday not doing anything productive again. just lazying around. reading snowboarder magazine. figuring about life. myself. work. love.
i came to a point that i just tell myself. fuck everything. fuck it all. i can't change what is out there but i can change what's inside. sometimes i ask myself, why are we always trying to please others but not ourselves. why do we seek approval and acknowledgements from people. do we really need that recognitions? why can't life be simpler? why can't we be carefree and mellow about everything? why are we tied down by responsibilities? there is just endless questions to everything that evolves around us. why some countries has better currency and they can do a part time job and still earn more than those sitting behind the desk in a third world country like us. why can't i be normal like everyone else and just get a normal job and be a sheep and not say a word when the higher authority tells you to the work the way they want it whether it's right or wrong. the truth is, i can't. i will not let anyone take away my pride. for that, there will be a price to pay. some says my decision to leave the company was right. some says i should stay till i found a better job. i don't want to please anyone anymore. i just want to please myself. if i'm not even happy with myself, i will never be happy with every little other things in life. i heard this somewhere. it is very rare for anyone to work in a job they are 110% passionate about but not everyone has that luxury. it is not impossible but only few in a million. may be i'm just tired of my life the way it is. i'm tired of just waiting and seeking for answers.


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