love beats everything

it's amazing how time really flies. it's been almost 6 months now since i last step foot on nz soil. it's been fun and heaps of exciting events during my stay here. not to mention lots of ups and downs. i met a lot of wonderful people and new mates. about my visa, i am still waiting as it will takes about 6o days for the immigration to give a me reply. so as u can see, my visa status now is on "pending" mode. i can stay in nz for the period of "pending". along this time, i met and found someone i hope and wish to share my heart with. she is awesome. she is a great snowboarder, probably my snowboarding sensei too. it has not been easy. at times, i feel like i'm trying to maintain my life, snowboarding, work and her, struggling pieces of puzzles. the greatest fear now is losing her. her flight leave next week to japan. i may and might not see her again for a long period of time. possibility of changing her flight ticket is uncertain. so many uncertainties i am facing. what am i going to do when she goes back. what am i going to do next when i leave nz in november (a big "IF" if i get my visa approved). there is these 2 guys i shared a 8 beds room with is asking me to go to japan to work for them next march. they want to start a backpacker + cafe business in Hakuba, Nagano (where winter olympic was held some years ago). this is also one of the uncertainties i have to go through as they will be my boss and manager. it's different when we are friends and being your superior. i don't want to think about it but it does bothers me even the slightest bits. they are nice ppl no doubts. i'm just feeling wary that they might work me to deaths...hahahaha as japanese are known to be workaholic in asians work groups. ok, may be i'm too skeptical. this is another few months more short of time. i need not worry about it now.
i found myself in a very awkward situation now. at times, i feel like i want to give up this relationship as it is near to a love suicide. some friends said i should have never started this r/s. it's a little bit late for this as i don't think i can give her up now. trying to stay and think positive and just enjoy the time i have left with her and make it a memory i will cherish for the rest of my life. i kept telling myself this over and over in my mind. it's hard. harder than i could imagine it to be. i think all my life, i've been struggling with love. may be a wee too much. i should take it easy. if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. no worries, everything is ok! (that's one of my jap's friend motto)
i need the strength and power to get through this period of time. i really do. please let me have the best winter season ever. life is short. i guess each and everyone of us want and need more time. time is never enough. like they say, may the best man wins! but i would like think, may the sweetest moments be remembered and reminisced over and over again.


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