gettin' ol'der

i just turned older 1 day ago. not really a good day to celebrate anything cos i found myself heading to the ER at wee hours in the morning just to have the gastric pain stopped with a jap in the butt. spent the day sleeping it off or rather a tiring and backpain from the lack of lying down straight. other than that, life has been swirl, not entirely great but no complains except the freaking gastric that almost had my life 4 years ago...i shall remember not to mess with my health and will make sure i do. what i need to do now is to work out!! like serious gettin' rid of those extra fats around the waist that's so unsexy every single time i walk pass the mirror. good time really flies.

who am i kidding?

the monkey, the girl, the mate.

after last night incident, i realised my heart is still very much alive and warm. i thought i was turning into this cold person i never knew. had not felt so cut since the mae no koibito incident. can't say i'm fully well but i'm taking in the results of my actions as i type. a good friend from LA told me today that i should have known better, that we cannot please everyone around us. i mean why should we? we should make ourselves happy first before anyone else. i can't say i have fully gotten over the nihon ex but i am moving on with my life. i'm just really something. whenever i found myself someone good, i tend to turn them away. when i'm in my own emo world and alone, i crave for love so bad that i doubt it exist. i'm just good at messing things up before it got serious. sometimes i just wish i can go back to the time when everything is okay and just enjoy that moment forever. f***, life was so good then! i could not have ask for more. it was so real, still think about it once in a while. life does go on.

もっともっと

life has been quite comfy as in feeling very comfortable in the comfort zone. not sure if it's a good thing or not. on a different note, i am very happy cos someone make me very happy lately. apart from that, i don't know if i should continue my current job. not really liking the system or the way things are done but beggers can't complain right? we'll see how it goes. may be i will stay on, may be i will not. gonna have my japanese exam in early october and honestly speaking, i am so not ready as i have been quite lazy and lack of revision done. despite the fact that my sensei has been pushing us to study harder. will meet up with an old friend from singapore this weekend and lots of catch up to be done. i wish i have more time. more time to sleep. more time to see her. more time to study my japanese. more time to catch up with movies and dramas. more time to for my family. more time for everything.