sad but not sorry

yesterday marks the first year in my entire 26 years of life that my family missed out on wishing me a happy birthday. lil sis must be really bz with work and bf. mum must be very bz with work too and her other stuffs. dad must be errr? bz too i guess. i can't deny that i felt a tad sad but its okay. maybe i got used to mum calling me since the first 4 years of my life away from home wishing me happy bday on the other end of the line. its been 5 years since i'm away from home. home is kuching, sarawak. if u don't know where that is, think kennysia. he's from my hometown. and its quite a coincident that he used to be my cousin's {whom used to hang out a lot when i was a kid} neighbour way back many many years ago.
the reason i'm blogging now is to take out my emo-ness on my blog. i know 99% that my family doesn't really know about the existence of this blog but i'm still gonna blog about it anyway:
dear mum, i love u for many reasons. i know u've always been a workaholic but on another level, u always reach out to those in need, emotionally and financially. dad, we don't always agree on anything but still i love u for the stubborn person u are. sis, what can i say? i can't tell u secrets cos it always got its way to mum. lolz :P but i remember when i was few years old, i used to hug u and k
iss u heaps. as we grew older, we like to argue and mouth-fight a lot. and u always let me win despite me being stubborn and don't wanna give in attitude.

the only family portrait i have with me atm
{taken in 2000 in disneyland LA california}

last but not least. happy birthday to me : )



for every meet there's a part (for now?)

yesterday was a very emo day for me cos eventually i had to give mae {a golden retriever given by a friend which lasted for 2 and a half days} back. now i recall why i din wanted any pet after so many years, when one of my beloved cats died cos some fcking asshole driver ran through her. i discretly teared in the office thinking how much i'll miss mae. but sadly my financial status is not doing too well at the mo. and i'm afraid i won't have much time for her when my peak and crazy working hours kick in! heaps of commitment on my part and for her. felt sorry but guess all i can hope for is to pray that she's in good hands. thx kelz for trusting her to me {only for this short period of time} but honestly she's really obedient and i had no trouble keeping her for this temporary period except she peed in the kitchen on the very first night she was with me.

*it felt so good cos she calms me down at the end of the day and make my day worth while* - i haven't felt so loved for quite some time now.
random thoughts: have you ever wonder who your real friends are?
on a different note: i was right about my prediction. *once bitten mana ada twice as shy one*

early wishes from the malibu princess {pardon the messy hair}
NOT FORGETTING BIG BIG THANKS to cheryl & kel li for organising the dinner for jen and i at souled out on monday nite. many thanks to those who took the time to come and celebrate with us.

ok, now i'm half sleeping typing this cos i can't blog from the office with *super tight supervision* *cough* bah!

p/s: nite mae. i actually miss saying that and patting her before going to sleep :(


spring cleaning

guess what i've been doing since last night and today? i got bored and did some *spring cleaning* on my friendster acc. getting rid of requests & heaps of those i don't even know...ok, i know i'm being bias and shit. i left a few beautiful strangers untouched :P {i'm sure some of u have friendster acc with not exactly 100% limited to friends only rite?}
sometimes i amazed myself, i actually deleted 100++ over lists of ppl whom barely spoken/msg. it just park there and it only occure to me why do i even bother having these ppl in my list when i don't even talk to or contact with. the original purpose of friendster was to keep contact with old friends and those whom had lost contact with for yonks. but i guess occasionally, it serve as a platform to get to know ppl around the world as well. not gonna talk about the misused of the site which most of us know better than anyone else.

so how is the weekend? i've been pretty lazy lately and the fact that my tummy is getting bigger by the day just make me feel fat about myself. ok, u know what? i'm going out for basketball now! haha...better do some serious exercise than plain procrastination. bah!

happy weekdays ahead!

p/s: {which in my case, i foresee a bad week coming. fuhs}


dear diary

i have a confession. i never felt so helpless...
i didn't know who to call and the biggest problem is whose gonna reach out to u when it comes to the matter of money. and being a pessimist that i am, it doesn't help the fact that borrowing money is like pouring acids onto anyone! c'mon, lets be honest, spill the beans! are u willing to borrow anyone that few hundreds? i know to some its a small amount but seriously, and logically, would u rather say no and can't help then really believing that u could have? on the contrary, i'm happy bcos i've just collected my car today, or should i say just a while ago. but i was left with a debt in my heart and on the white piece of paper. i never know fixing a car would cost me a fortune. the grand total of amount i needed to pay for my baby was 1125 fucking bucks!! -___________-!!!

omfg...i freaked out when i saw the bill. seriously stunned on the spot. well, its an old car. there is only so much i can do. and i for one is a car illiterate person. sigh
the only person i could think of that *maybe* would *help* is the ex.
called her, told her my situation and lucky enough she was just off work and was nearby the area. *thank goodness*
i was short by RM300. oh dear. and once again, i owe my gratitude to her for saving me and my car.
i think sometimes i really do owe her {maybe in my past life or sth like that}...i've nothing but asking favours from her from time to time. i know i have no shame :( *thats how thick skins i am* ok, i do admit i was damn paiseh...{did i just contradict myself there? i think i did}

thank you, you! once again for saving me out of this mess. sigh
at least i have my car back again. but the down part is, after having to spend so much, some parts of the car are not fixed yet.
- like the window. its only *temporary* fixed
- the cover/switch for my headlight
- air cond should no longer be running cos of the barring or sth that is close to *can die dot com*
and guess thats it for now.

i owe u too much. i know u won't be reading this but deep down, u'r always there for me somehow. and i really appreciate it though i never really tell u.
xoxo discretly

p/s: thanks ivan for pushing the car with me in the rain. i owe u one dei :P


"...everybody's changing but i don't feel the same"
- quoted from one tree hill, season two, episode two ending song's lyrics


u know u have a series of unfortunate events when:

- your car broke down on the highway when u were told it was taken to the service centre not too long ago
- someone u care turn her/his back on u
- your employer is giving u shits
- u were trying to get someone's present in the rain last minute cos the car died on u
- your creativity is limited or should i say *banned*
- you came home to foul smells
- someone is messing with your crib
- you just plainly ran out of luck {literally}

fantasy island

if u haven't heard of Kabukicho, red-light district in tokyo, let the photos do the talking...found this link from malibu princess's site. interesting fetish...what say u?


gimme a break will ya'?

i don't resent or loathe but right now, its just not working.
well at least one of us feel that way. *sigh*
make it two.*double sighs*
its really a sore in the heart and eyes.

on a different note, my car is giving me problems again. i *think* the nut or screw underneath the engine is not tighten or its already broken cos my engine oil is empty after two separated refills...its impossible in two months. i won't know till i get it check myself or have the mechanic to do so. *fingers crossed* lets hope my baby is doing alright. cos we still got a long way to go....
anyhow, i'm doing laundry tomoro so hopefully i'll be seeing some of u guys alrite. if there's no change of plans. moonshine it is.


when nothing seems to go right

im having those *run outta luck* moments. guess what? my car's headlights went dead on me. actually it was having some problem last saturday night when i was driving home from sepang. i don't know what u call it, switch? it went loose and it got a bit haywired. bryan shud know what i'm talking about. cos he was in my car. i'm running low on the moolah since my paycheck for this month is anywhere but near.

*emo* emo* damn *emo*

guess i'll just eat maggi for dinner. since i can't drive my baby out tonite and i'm too chicken shit to walk in the dark to the nearby foodcourt. gahhh!!



Moody's Mood For Love - Amy Winehouse

There I go, there I go, there I go, there I go
Pretty baby you are the soul, snaps my control
Such a funny thing but everytime your near me
I never can behave
You give me a smile and I'm wrapped up in your magic
There's music all around me
Crazy music, music that keeps calling me so
Baby close to you, turns me into your slave
Come on and do with me any little thing that you want to
Anything, baby just let me get next to you

So am I insane or do I really see heaven in your eyes?
Bright as stars that shine up above you
In the clear blue sky, how I worry bout you
Just can't live my life without you
Baby come here, don't have no fear
Oh, is there wonder why
I'm really feeling in the mood for love

So tell me why, stop to think about this weather, my dear
This little dream might fade away
There I go talking out of my head again baby won't you
come and put our two hearts together
That would make me strong and brave
Oh, when we are one, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
If there's a cloud up above us
Go on and let in rain
I'm sure our love together would endure a hurricane
Oh my baby won't you please let me love you
and get a release from this awful misery

What is all this talk about loving me, my sweet
I am not afraid, not anymore, not like before
Don't you understand me, now baby please
Pull yourself together, do it very soon
My soul's on fire, come on and take
I'll be what you make me, my darling (my sweet)

Oh baby, you make me feel so good
Let me take you by the hand
Come let us visit out there
In that new promised land

Maybe there we can find
A good place to keep a lovin' state of mind
I'm so tired of being without it
And never knew what love was all about
James Moody would you come on hit me,
you can blow now if you want to, I'm through

for those who missed it!

blank & jones (germany)

gabriel & dresden (usa)

this is the part where the crowds or so to speak, slinky & his friends totally loose it! lol
{just watch the video to get what i mean}

gettin' too old for this shit

high on euphoria

have u ever had that feeling where nothing stands between u and the moment?

gila shiok! left to right: slinky, bryan, chin & calv

more photos here!

weekend was fine. as a matter of fact, it was exhilarating & exhausting! speedzone. the much anticipated event for the month. its been a while since there's a rave party in the open space. i'm getting too old for this...my left leg muscle is in pain...seriously. i haven't been playing basketball or exercise a lot lately. its a bad sign. a sign of ageing. yea...u heard me. i slept till 5pm today. what a bummer. i woke up only to find aching shoulders, arms and feet. hahaha...lesson learnt: puhhleassee stretch before any attempt to shuffle. melbourne shuffle that is. ahahhaha {this old man never learn...will he...}
work stress has been pilling up on me. though i can't say there is not much to do or a lot but work is work. love life has been stagnant. as much as i want to but i'm not available to the present cos i'm stuck in my past kinda phase now. but i'm pretty much sure that i will step out of that phase as soon as i met someone amazing. but till now, its just disappointment after another. *heads up dood* {always tell myself that...no worries!}

its a lazy sunday i know...so i wish u guys a happy week ahead! to the party ppl, till we meet again in the heaven of rave!! woot!!

p/s: videos will be up soon! be patient :)


i smell a rave coming...

grandstand tower - sepang international circuit, saturday 09/09/06

dj lineup:
joey g - channel v - 7pm
blank & jones - 9pm
gabriel & dresden [usa] - 11pm
misstress barbara - 1am

ticket price: rm20
presale: rm20 + 1 drink + cap [1st 500]
hotline: 03 2072 9443

official site: www.speedzonetour.com

when was the last rave i went? can't remember...oh yea! whose going?


may u rest in peace

this morning while driving to work...i saw this dead kitten on the highway...i almost ran through it. then i thought, life is really fragile. maybe i was being emo but u can't take away the fact. what i'm trying to say is embrace life. take it for what it is.

i'm seeing heaps of turtles on my msn tonight. i thought that was weird. then i asked, why the turtle. my friend answered its a sign of respect for the late steve irwin. so this post is dedicated to the "crocodile hunter".
may he and the kitten rest in peace.

image taken off yahoo


so scared - rhapsody

my friends tell me do stay away
my heart tells me you're worth the wait
he's not ready they say again
i just smile and they shake their heads

i know i know u might turn up wrong
but how can u help who u fall for
eventhough my mind is screaming no
my heart will blindly follow wherever u go

i don't want this ten years down the road
u're still playing and i'm still not loosing hope
i'm so scared of what i'm feeling
i'm so scared that i'll never stop loving u

i know i know u might turn up wrong
but how can u help who u give the pieces of your heart to
eventhough my mind is screaming no....
my heart will blindly follow wherever u go

i don't want this ten years down the road
u're still playing and i'm still not loosing hope
i'm so scared of what i'm feeling
i'm so scared that i'll never stop loving u

oh my friends shake their heads
my heart will it will blindly blindly follow
i know loosing hope
i don't want to
hmmm...but i love u

censored thoughts

i had no longer have privacy in this little space call internet. wait, come to think of it, starting an online blog is never private. :( i wish i can rant freely. what happen to freedom of speech? i believe in this space we are living in? uhuh...no way. shit, a lot of filtering...y la? fuhs

wish things can slow down a weeny bit.
everything passes by so fast i can't keep up with.
not saying i hate the moments but i have no time to digest.
caught in some moments.
yes emo, i'm caught in that moment now.
a lot ppl take me the wrong way.
maybe i don't wanna deal with it.
u know what they say about being ignorant is bliss?
well, maybe i am.
deal with it.
like emo said: "just do whatever u feel like doing. it's your life and u have a choice. don't do things for the sake of people. do it for yourself." - fully agree!
maybe i do need to deal with myself.
confusion. lost. angered. euphoria. distant.
seeking answers is never easy.
by now u shud know that i'm a very contradicting person.
oh yes i am.
ok...run along now!
i really need some quality sleep.

p/s: then again, this is my blog, if u don't like what u read. pls f off. i din ask for u to come here in the first place!