one of my fave song from the Bleach anime series.

doubts

lately work is like growing mushrooms after the rain. its so loaded it almost covered my desk. no, i'm not joking. work aside, i am planning something. at the same time, i feel like i'll be missing out on heaps of events in the next few months if the "real deal" has been approved. one of the thing i will deeply regret is not being able to attend one of my close friend's wedding. not having to bum around at home during CNY. i guess mum has already missed me cos i told her about my plan the other day. this plan of mine, i'm not sure if its gonna work out the way i planned in my head but life is about risk. like i mentioned in my previous entry. lets hope its gonna be a smooth journey both mentally and physically. its about time i step outside and feel the world. life, working life, life in general has been nothing but dull. i can't accept dull. something mysterious awaits me at the other end. i can't help but thinking helplessly that it will change my life. rain or shine, life must go on. for better or worst.

the greatest fear is having to feel defeated upon one self.

yes i'm back

overall it was an enjoyable paid trip, no complains. i live like a king and they really serve u like one. the wonders of paying for what u get. every penny counts. what more can i ask for. anyways, i'm too lazy and currently having migraine on and off due to the the stupid flight. i reckon the pilot is really kns cos he made few of us in the plane dizzy and i swear my head was buzzing with heavy killer pain every few seconds in the plane. plus the weather wasn't that bad. lousy pilot. never trust local pilots. mas airlines in-flight services are getting worst and worst, rude in-flight attendents and the food they serve is not getting any better. bah! *click here, here & here* for more photos from my trip. due to some circumstances, i can't upload photos of the others. so the album is mostly scenery and heaps of self-loving shots :P

p/s: i like how they call their country, Kingdom of Cambodia. sounds so majestic! = )

work or travel?

sometimes i question myself. is this what i want? i really don't know (yet). i don't love or hate my job. some days, its very laid back, some other days, its absolutely retarded busy i don't even have time to eat or a quick pit stop to the loo (i'm not joking,*pulls serious face*). probably some of u might notice my absence on msn. i hate work and freaking tight deadlines. but i love design. how? thats like the only thing i know/capable of doing. what other alternatives do i have? some friends advice me to try up new lines like marketing or sales. that is something new and totally different from what i am doing at the moment. the risk is still there. the thoughts of leaving everything aside, and go travel the world while i'm still young came across my mind more than one occasion. but what am i gonna do for a living? picking strawberries and washing dishes? thats not exactly what i have in mind tho. its hard to juggle bits and pieces of what we love to do. tough shits right? :P still planning in my head, what are the alternatives i have. well, i can say not much. its still tough shit if i leave this field. its like starting from zero. it is too if i leave to travel around the world and come back with rich culture but poor bank account. :P not very wise now calvin. nah uh. hahaha :P but then, we only live once, why am i holding myself back? :s
i hate my inner-self telling me to not to pull off any risky thoughts. but life is random right? we never know what will bring us unless we have tried with all our might. time is ticking and i hate the feeling of insecurity in my life right now. i'm neither young nor old, but in the end, i just have to decide. just one final decision. why is it so fcking hard to decide.

anyways, i'm leaving to cambodia this saturday. will return with a bundle of photos. i promise.

till then, i wish everyone a happy long weekend and raya!!

my world just crumbled into thin space. i'm so crushed! :X just when i felt the tiniest hope, its taken away from me. ironic isn't it. life is.

just finish watching a note of love. hmm, a friend whom went to watch with me thinks it doesn't deserve to be screened. me on the other hand thinks it is still alright. the only part that i didn't really like was editing. some scenes just started and ended like it doesn't flow through smoothly. but then again, there's always room for improvement right? : )
work has been slow this week. feeling sleepy at worst and it ain't helping. nothing significant is happening in my life right now. tho i just turned an year older recently.
i hate the fact i still miss u after so damn long. i really do. it's mentally torturing! all these girls with bob cuts are killing me! sometimes i really wish u would just disappear from my memory but somehow u always pop out of the blue right in front of me and make me lost for words.
p/s: u know by intuition that certain things in life doesn't always work out but yet try so hard to make it happen. that's tough shit, life is. mine.