kimi wa hitori jyanai

this thing inside me is eating me up slowly. i can't imagine myself not working for the longest time. it's really hard. i'm not denying it. back to the basic question again, what can i do besides doing designing job. you know that feeling of crying out for help? i am in the phase of life right now. it's not like i'm suicidal or anything but feeling very 无奈. i saw somewhere that if you put 无奈 + 无奈 = very 无奈 lolz.... that's how i feel at the moment. it's quite shitty but that's how life is, isn't it? some days we get really nice rainbows, some days it rain for like nobody's business.

sungai lembing

last monday, an ex-room mate of 8 beds sharing dorm and a backpacking friend i met in NZ invited me to hike sungai lembing's bukit panorama in pahang state. what better way to celebrate chap goh mei away from the crowds and jam. it was also an relaxing getaway from the city life. there is probably not much to do there. back then, sungai lembing was a tin mining area and now, most of the old wooden shoplots are unoccupied. u will probably see a lot of older folks where as young adults are mostly working in the nearer city such as kuantan. it's a laid back place. when the night falls, karaoke is one of the entertainment in the town area. not the usual pop songs u will hear but chinese oldies...sang by some of the old folks. we stayed in a homestay (bungalow turn holiday villa) which was worth every penny (RM75 for 3 person per night). the rooms were equiped with beds, mattresses, ceiling fans, air cond, table drawers, heater (shower) and in the living hall, there is a karaoke set, astro (for the city ppl i suppose...) and kettle for boiling water. reminds me of the time we stays in those similar hostels/backpackers in NZ. i would say bukit panorama is an easy hike compared to those in NZ. if one is fit, probably takes about 30 mins relaxing hike up the top (that is if one always go mountain hiking).

reaching kuantan.

the famous cherating beach (club med).

this beach is also a nesting spot for sea turtles.

vegetarian tomato mee for dinner! OMG...and i thought only kuching has tomato mee.

this was the shop we had our dinner in sungai lembing.

this is how quiet the place is at night.

the owner at the villa sells beer too! RM5 for 1 can.

relaxing the night away. i think i have not celebrate chap goh mei for many years!

got up at 4.30am and getting ready to hike.

the "team-leader".

right before the break of dawn. u can see sungai lembing and the town area.

awesome sunrise and scenery. gua charas in the background.

ferns from the mountain.

part of the walkway...so it's not really like real hiking...i would say.

when day light came.

all photos are courtesy of allen tan.

がんばります！

few days ago, my housemate got his motorbike from his brother's place and we were going around from PJ to Mont Kiara and almost to downtown KL. i never know riding a bike can be so much fun. it's the first time i ride on a motorbike since i live in KL for 5-6 years. i am feeling more and more lonesome since the very much commercialised day is just around the corner. eventhough i told myself i'm giving up hope and waiting, deep down inside, i still want an answer from her. any answer, at least. this is by far the worst unofficial break up ever. guess i just have to keep on going. move on. i have another interview tomorrow and i hope i will do well on this one. i hope i do get a job soon and get the dice rolling. tired of just sitting around and memory of the her keep haunting me. i need to keep myself occupied. at least just to keep me from thinking too much. i know i will meet someone sooner. until then, i just have to keep telling myself it's over. it's in the past. look forward to life. life is short but yet a long way and so much more yet to be discovered. this life long journey just started, so just enjoy the ride!

genki jyanai

i will miss our always so random and ridiculous way together. Lake Pukaki.

together under the sakura tree at Queenstown city centre.

first time pouring and serving me sake at some japanese restaurant in Queenstown.

one of our many rides together. (Snowpark, Wanaka.)

walking up the hill top at Queenstown and was dead tiring because both of us thinks the gondola was way expensive.

i will miss our eigo to nihongo no benkyo time together.

i will miss you cutting my hair.

how u get so nervous when u met my german friend for the first time and thought she was my ex.

our getaway weekend together and also to celebrate my last bday in Christchurch.

how u made me so worried when you teamed up with Kazu and Tobi and lied to me just so you can buy the skate shoes we saw in Queenstown and got it as my bday present.

i will miss manja-ing to you the most.

and how you Kazu, Tobi teamed up again to made me a surprise bday party.

but most of all...i will just miss you a lot. and i still do.

i thought just maybe, after so many years of being alone, after numerous experiences, i would somehow feel less heartache if someone i treasure a lot leaves me. the feeling have not sink in. ever so often, i would comfort myself to sleep at night. the pain still lingers. how can i ever forget about you when we first met, you told me language wasn't a barrier, height was not a problem, all the stupid promises you made me kept. all those stupid crashes, blooding, cuts, bruises during riding the snow is nothing because you taught me to suck it up. when i first started this backpack journey, i was hoping to find a direction, something. i don't know just something. it was a bonus to have met you in this "not so part of the trip" rendezvous. it was really a surprise and i would never thought this would happen to a small town boy like me. you could have choosen any jap guys over me then. now i'm back to square one. i'm lost in the middle of nowhere again. let's just hope this time i can find my way out and learnt something from this experience.

free hugs

i have this really really silly idea on what to do on valentine's day. i was thinking if i should do this since i am free and available on that day. remember the "free hugs" video on youtube not too long ago? i want to try that. i think i should celebrate the occasion by giving people what i think really comes from inside that matters. isn't that what it is all about? before it became commercialized. well, i thought of several venues such as pavillion and klcc...outside the malls of course. anyway, if u think i should do it, please leave a message here. if i do get more than 1,000 responses, ok...who am i kidding myself? we'll see. will keep you posted.

edited: chances are i'm not gonna do it because there is few factors that worries me. one, i might get into trouble with the securities and management. secondly, if no ones comes up to me, i would be standing there like an idiot holding a big cardboard. so much for a thought. who knows someone might beat me to the idea!