you know when someone tells you not to do it but somehow the words just not get into your head? i kind of did something that i shouldn't have. i needed to let it out. there's a lot of things i needed to let it out but it's not possible. thanks to myself, now my knee is giving me that sensation i have not feel since thursday. the moral of the story is, never try to be a smart ass. i wasted my sunday not doing anything productive again. just lazying around. reading snowboarder magazine. figuring about life. myself. work. love. i came to a point that i just tell myself. fuck everything. fuck it all. i can't change what is out there but i can change what's inside. sometimes i ask myself, why are we always trying to please others but not ourselves. why do we seek approval and acknowledgements from people. do we really need that recognitions? why can't life be simpler? why can't we be carefree and mellow about everything? why are we tied down by responsibilities? there is just endless questions to everything that evolves around us. why some countries has better currency and they can do a part time job and still earn more than those sitting behind the desk in a third world country like us. why can't i be normal like everyone else and just get a normal job and be a sheep and not say a word when the higher authority tells you to the work the way they want it whether it's right or wrong. the truth is, i can't. i will not let anyone take away my pride. for that, there will be a price to pay. some says my decision to leave the company was right. some says i should stay till i found a better job. i don't want to please anyone anymore. i just want to please myself. if i'm not even happy with myself, i will never be happy with every little other things in life. i heard this somewhere. it is very rare for anyone to work in a job they are 110% passionate about but not everyone has that luxury. it is not impossible but only few in a million. may be i'm just tired of my life the way it is. i'm tired of just waiting and seeking for answers.
sometime last year in august, i had a terrible mishap from snowboarding. i was snowboarding with my buddies and doing crazy stunts. during one of the jumps off the small cliff, i had a bad landing and trembled down the slope in a very unlikely manner and somehow twisted my left knee. it got swollen real bad that day. all i did was putting ice bag on the swelling knee. i didn't really give it enough time to rest the injury and i was quick on the slope again right after few days and continue snowboarding for the next 2 months. so today, almost 6 months after that incident, i finally got my lazy arse to pay a visit to the doctor and have my knee checked once and for all because the pain has not subside. it comes and goes. sometimes it hurts like bitch when i sleep or just sitting there minding my own business. good news is there is no fractured bones. the only problem now is the doc has no idea what is causing the pain. it can be the inflammation from the swell six months ago and it's probably giving me the sensation that i am feeling every now and then. the doc prescribed me diclofenac sodium which is an anti-inflammatory drug, for swelling, joint pain...oh well, you get the picture...but what i'm more worry is the side effects. good thing i googled it and there is just too many side effects i'm worry about and i probably might want to skip the drug for now. besides, my knee pain is not like really serious but it does irritates and drive me up the wall at times. let's hope by resting my knee, meaning no skateboarding or crazy stunts for the next 1-2 months and let's pray the pain shall go away. if not, i'll be paying my regular visit to the physiotherapist...dang. no snowboarding is hard enough, now they gonna take away skateboarding too? sad...this is just sad.
p/s: i feel sorry cos i kind of promised my friend that i am helping him with his photography assignment this weekend. he needed somebody to do some skateboarding tricks and i thought i might lend him a hand or two. looks like this wrapped up knee is not going anywhere now...is it?
ing hui is in town for a two days conference. was surprised when she took the time off to have dinner with me. thanks for the treat ing hui!! i was so full and the salmon sashimi was awesome!! more photos here!
everyone has choosen a path in life, or going to choose one, or some rather leave it up to fate. i felt human beings has too much desires in life. they fantasize about things and are willing to take any measures just to achieve that dream or goal. everyone of us has a different way of life. sometimes i may not understand their way of life as opposed to mine. for me, life is not always about money although money does comes in handy. i would like to think that one's life is not measured by the amount of money one earns but rather how much a person gets from life. the value of life. what's good when you have all the money in the world but still feeling miserable? is it that people are pressured by society's normalcy? or even peer pressure? every morning, or even before i go to sleep at night, i asked myself, what can i do in life? what can i do to make my life better or improve the quality of my life. it simply translates to me having to do the things i love most. something that i believe in. it's like this phrase a friend onced said, "it's hard not to smile when you are living your dream"...or something to that effect.
for the mean time, i am not ready to give up my dream just yet. i know when people tells me that when you are financially stable, you can live your dream the way you want it. don't get me wrong, i think everyone of us has our own ways of achieving it differently. i'm not the person that always following the crowds. may be i'm just different or special. i am still mending my way of life.
then i realised there is no right or wrong to it because at the end of the day, we are all achieving what we wanted most out of life and most importantly what makes us whole as humans.
for those of you who has no freaking idea what kind of cravings i've been blogging about, do watch these videos to have a slight idea of why i am so obsessed with snowboarding. may be i am a little crazy and it seems that someone has beat me to the idea of having an indoor snow dome like the one in dubai. i don't know how real this could be but i'm not saying it's not possible. this bloke plans to set up an indoor ski field not sure where about yet in KL. if this project really hits it off, i won't be dreaming any longer as i could just shred the snow whenever i feel like it not having to fly thousands of kilometres to another country just to ride. having said that, indoor ski field will never come close to real deep powder snow that one have experienced. i have my share of pure joy of riding the first chair and fresh powder on the slopes.
some of the riders i look up to and inspires me: travis parker
eddie wall, he does both skate and snowboard which is sweet
jeremy jones, my fave ojisan rider doing his thing.
mark frank montoya better known as MFM (gansta' rider yo).
this snow fever is really causing a serious emotional break down in me. i was at the chinese hawker stall yesterday having dinner and i saw the ice being shredded by the ice machine to be made into ice kacang. the shredded iced looks exactly like the powder snow i missed so much. so much i'm dying to be there wherever mother nature intends to fill the ground with white paradise. after six freaking months away from the white paradise, not a single day i don't miss it. kinda like the longing for my japanese dream that has failed before me. it's really contagious. now i totally understand why my fellow japanese snowboarder friends i met in nz was so hyped about snowboarding every fucking single day. i was so against the thought of my then met close friends having them being so carefree and mellow about life. their life. may be back then i didn't really understand why and how they can be so relaxed and just leave everything and come snowboarding here for the whole season. by the end of the my first season in nz, i was a changed person. i had became mellowed, much carefree, as if i have became one of them. a true snowboarder. i was acknowledged by them as i have progressed to become a better rider than i was before. i don't know if it is a good thing to be mellow and carefree. it does affect my life in reality since i have been back in this hot and humid country. i dreamt of snowboarding ever so often just like how much i missed my current ex. this newly found love is so strange. it's totally different from my other love for sports. is deeper than i could ever thought possible. it makes my heart races everytime i think about it. nande? it's a longing to get back to ride. it's more than a need. its more like an obsession now. which is also one of the reason i'm back on skateboarding. of course skateboarding is nothing like riding powder but close enough since malaysia has no indoor ski dome for that matter. i am proud to be the only malaysian snowboarder which stayed for the whole season at mt hutt, nz. ever so often, i get mistaken for a japanese snowboader. it was okay, i was proud when i told them i'm from borneo and there is no snow back home and this being my first season on the snow slope : ) i still think i was a better snowboarder than a skateboarder. skateboarding tricks are not easy to master as compared to snowboarding. my most memorable moment was when i landed wrongly on the mt hutt third kicker and my knees banged into my face and as a result of that, i had a cut on my right eye as a present from last season. it was so funny, i didn't even felt any fear when i was in the air and i knew immediately i was not going to land this one but somehow i could feel my life just flashes through me but i wasn't afraid of dying. i knew i was going to land hard and badly. my goggles flew few metres away from my landing, my skullcandy was thrown from my head, my beanie too. it was the longest time air time i had experienced the whole season. almost like 3 seconds in the air...(trust me, 3 seconds was like forever) it felt good even when i was lying there on the landing and my face was bleeding and i was laughing when my friend came to see if i was okay...and according to my friends, no one had ever try the third kicker in their first riding season. it was a challenge and dare for myself. sometimes i would just popped tricks like frontside and backside 180 sometimes 270. not good enough for 360 yet. probably the most talented ground trick last season was nose press to butter backside 360, actually it was more like backside nose press to backside 270. if i ever go back to the slope again, i want to be able to hit the boxes and rails like pros. i can only 50-50 on boxes and rails. halfpipe was really hard too but i was blessed being able to try out the superpipe at snowpark in wanaka, nz. sometimes i see guys like marvin hitting the slope and secretly i put my hope and dreams in him. if i don't get to ride anymore, at least my dream lives through him. representing yo! i won't be surprised just may be someday he might be the first professional malaysian snowboarder in the world. it's really stoked to be able to ride whenever, wherever, doesn't matter if it's icey, slushy, powder, all that matters is you put your heart into it. this post goes out to all the snow lovers and riders out there. keep riding yo!
his after moan though cries oh no he's building up a shine but he’d take it slow and he knows it time to make a change here, time to get away it's time for all the wrong reasons, time to end the pain but he sleep all, we sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over said well we, sleep all, we sleep all day, we sleep all, we sleep all day over...
jason mraz is truly a talented artist. one of my favourite actually. well, i know at times, it seems like we are trying our best in life and yet it is not easy at all. don't give up just yet because i truly believe when you give it all out, there is nothing we cannot achieve. i read somewhere that no one is born a loser. everyone is a winner even if we have lose.
i found some cover versions which is nice! have a go at it while you're here.
i guess i want to be slowly moving away from doing what i am doing. i don't see myself 10 years down the road doing what i am doing now. 10 years ago, my dream was to own a cafe/bristro whatever rocks your socks you may call it. 10 years later, i am no where near that. i think i am constantly changing my mind of what i want to do in life. i might not be as successful as most of my peers but i definitely know what i am doing now is not what i want for the rest of my life. sometimes, i wish i was a chef in fine dining which i did want to be after high school. there was 4 choices i had in mind back then. chef, IT person, artist and architect. and because i was easily persuaded by my folks (just because my mum promised me she would buy me a car to go college!! but you know what? she bought me a bicycle instead and it broke down several times). the truth is i had already enrolled in a design school before i entered the IT course. my dad knew i was not much of a programming person and had me quitted right after 2 miserable years. i must admit i was never good at studying. i'm just not one of those bookworms. the other reason i gave up taking architecture is because i thought i need to do a lot of calculations and my math is really bad...hahaha...the chef part, lets just say i was not very convinced i would succeed. i envy people like Dean Blotto Gray who gets to travel around the world snapping snowboarders in action on and off riding. at some point, i did want to be a photographer. more like a sport photographer, extreme sports to be exact. i would love to do something that i believe in. and it helps if i'm in love with that sport too! i've been thinking a lot about what i should and can do in life. i need some kind of signs...and perhaps a little bit of lady luck.
here's what i did on the weekend as two friends were in town and they decided they want a korean dinner (somewhere near ampang point) and a visit to sky bar as they never been there. the korean food was really good!! nice view of klcc from sky bar. joyce, i call her korean superstar. wonder what sf is smiling at? i like how random we were in the photos. nothing like a supper to end the day - jalan alor beef noodle
i have somehow forgotten that little simple things in life makes me happy.
this morning, i greeted the little toddler few office doors away "ohayo" and to my surprise, the mum greeted me back "ohayo gozaimasu"in a very engaging tone... for i felt this little happiness inside of me because i have missed that feeling of greeting and being greeted in everyday life. it's funny how hostile people can be in big city. i look forward to many happy simple things in life because at the end of the day, what makes life worth living is the capacity to be happy and to give happiness to others.
cindy, a backpacker i met in nz was on her singapore - malaysia stops for a week before heading home to taiwan from nz. allen, her official tour guide for sg/msia brought her to try out our famous kajang satay which they have a branch at uptown pj which i don't even know of. i still think the ones at kajang taste much better and more authentic but allen thinks otherwise. off they go to malacca for the weekend and cameron highland next and back to singapore and home for cindy.
